Double Faced Mask
by Ria
Summary: Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka’s logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride… (Complete)
1. Comfortable Silence

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> Double Faced Mask
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> **  
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> A Yami no Matsuei fanfic
> 
> **_
> 
> **Author:** Ria   
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copy to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she's so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too. The lyrics are copyright to The Tea Party, from their song "Walking Wounded".   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.   
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari   
**Warnings:** Angst, past references to and memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai, eventual lime hints   
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…   
BTimeline: A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!   
**Author's Notes:** My very first YnM fic! I'm so excited (and so nervous)! My summary gives it no justice (no surprise there), but this is actually the first story in an extremely long arc (which I've grandly titled _The Dance Arc_). Right now, we're only dealing with the Tsuzuki/Hisoka tones, but there will be Watari/Tatsumi soon enough. Haha. There is actually plot around here somewhere… you'll just need a microscope to find it. This is un-beta'd, apart from what I've gone over, as my usual beta has only heard of YnM from what she's seen me ramble about on my lj (I'm going to have to rectify that), so all mistakes are mine. Also, seeing as this is my first time writing these characters, I'm a tad worried I may have messed up the characterisations a bit, so please bear with me! Enjoy (hopefully)! 
> 
> **
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> Double Faced Mask
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> **  
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> Comfortable Silence
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> **
> 
> _Is it safe to look within   
Interlace all that's been   
And all that's been between   
Is it gone?   
Tell me what went wrong_
> 
> Sometimes, I think I'm going mad. Other times, I think I've already lost whatever sanity I still possessed when I first came to Meifu. Sometimes, the line is so blurred that I think I'm truly lost in the cracked layers of madness and no one else realises it. 
> 
> Well, that's not really true. Three people can see sharper than the others, one more so than the other two, but realising that and acknowledging it are very different things. 
> 
> Hisoka knows me better than even myself if he puts his mind to it. The ease with which he can read my emotions and reactions is eerie and not a little frightening. It's more than his being an empath, much more. He doesn't just have the ability to read my emotions and thoughts, but he also seems able to understand my reasons behind them, and that's frightening. I never realised someone could understand another person so well. Hell, even _I_ don't understand myself like he does. 
> 
> It's strange how quickly, how suddenly, we bonded. One moment we were the polar opposites of each other, constantly arguing (in Hisoka's case) with blithe innocence following immediately after (that was from me). Then, somewhere along the way, we started caring for each other. Well, that's not exactly true, either. I cared about Hisoka right from the beginning – it just took him a little while longer to realise that he did, too. 
> 
> But when did that care turn to attraction? Search me. All I know is that suddenly I watched him from the corner of my eye not because I could, but because I needed to. I learned all of his little movements: the way he brushes back his hair when he's irritated; the way a thin line forms between his eyes when he's thinking; the way the vein in his right temple throbs when he's _thi_s close to losing his temper rather spectacularly. The way he half-turns to glance at me when I come up from behind him; the way his left hand always cups his cheek when he's tired and still trying to work while keeping some semblance of an attention span at the same time. Hell, I even know exactly how he holds his pen! 
> 
> I also know how his eyes darken for the briefest moment whenever he remembers something from his past, or whenever someone accidentally brushes against him in the street and he senses the wrong emotions. I remember the expression in his eyes when he first came to us and he involuntarily flinched every time someone tried to touch him. And now I know the way his eyes half-close and warm the slightest bit whenever I do something that amuses him, or whenever I just make him smile by being nearby. 
> 
> And people swear that _I'm_ the one who always gets the stalkers, not realising Hisoka has his very own personal one nearly always beside him. 
> 
> I know I'm important to him, deep down, though he'd no more admit it than eat an entire slice of cake by himself. Perhaps I was always important to him, though he just couldn't see it at the beginning. When we first started working together, I was the bane of his existence – this childish Shinigami, almost a century old and over seventy years on the job and very firmly stuck in the dead-end part of it. For him, a complete perfectionist and sometimes-workaholic, it must have been torture, though he did handle it entirely the wrong way. But then, it's hard to remember that he was only sixteen when he died, and will remain sixteen even while his mind continues to grow old. While he will always be too serious and self-conscious for his own good, some of his habits will remain forever those of a teenager and adolescent. 
> 
> Sometimes, I wonder if he's not the more insane of us. He certainly has plenty of excuses to be. 
> 
> I can't say I understand him entirely, but thanks to Muraki we've more in common than we first had, though not all of it good. I can't imagine what it must have been like to be completely ostracised by his blood-kin, the people supposed to love him, but I do know what it's like to be hated and feared because I wasn't like everyone else. Before, I wouldn't know what being raped and emotionally scarred so young would do (my stalkers aside), but now I know what being touched and caressed against my will feels like. Morbid, terrible things to have in common, but then, there are also books, myths and films that we both talk about, and that balances the scales. He finds the fact that I've lived through such a large chunk of history fascinating and asks me about it a lot, oblivious to the fact that eventually he too will have lived through a century of time and still face countless centuries of it. After about the first fifty years, it looses its appeal and merely becomes monotonous and dreary. 
> 
> Well, before it did. But now that I have Hisoka, having several centuries ahead of me sounds like a very good thing. 
> 
> I guess we've both rubbed off on each other. For one thing, he at least attempts to eat some dessert now (I suppose spending so long with me had to manifest itself in such a way), even if I always end up finishing it for him. On my part, I suppose I've become more introspective than I had been before, or maybe I just like thinking about him a lot. Thankfully, neither of us has become even more impulsive than we already are, and for that we have to be grateful. Konoe-Kacho always says that we have enough impulsiveness to send him to a second early grave, though he also bemoans that someone with so much common sense like Hisoka can also act like such a _dunce_ sometimes. Me, he's given up as a lost cause. I guess after a century, some things will just never change. 
> 
> He touches me, now. It started the moment that he threw his arms around me as we were surrounded by killing flames, crying and begging me to live for him, at least. Since then, his hands seem to seek me out, as if trying to reassure himself by a brief touch that I'm still there and I'm not going to leave him. Even more astonishing than that is the way he actively seeks me out now just for my company, though he does it in the guise of asking me inane questions (well, inane for him – no else even bothers to ask me if I've my paperwork done on time by now) or things that anyone else would know before me. But I go along with it, even if our co-workers find this little dance between us amusing. I understand how much begging me to live in the flames cost his pride, and if he's not yet comfortable with the thought that he feels something more than just friendship for me, I can go along with it until he's ready – or I lose my patience, whichever comes first. 
> 
> I can touch him, now. I have to be careful when I choose to because of his empathy (particularly whenever I feel a rather strong surge of affection for him, since it tends to overwhelm him a tad), but he no longer flinches whenever I pat his shoulder or, if I'm feeling mischievous, ruffle his hair. If I'm feeling particularly daring I'll try to hug him, but that's only reserved for special occasions – he's still not very comfortable with openly affectionate behaviour, thanks to the anti-social tendencies of his that are particularly stubborn to go. But we're getting there, slowly but surely. 
> 
> Watari knows exactly how I feel, as does Tatsumi, though I'm not quite sure how the latter feels about it. While Watari gleefully makes bets and gets us into potentially dangerous situations because of his Machiavellian matchmaking schemes, Tatsumi merely watches us with a sad, knowing, but altogether accepting, gaze. 
> 
> Sometimes I feel guilty (perhaps part of me will always feel that way when it comes to him), but I know things are better between us this way. Tatsumi and I would never have worked, not with all the canyon-sized differences and guilt complexes between us. But he shows no bitterness towards Hisoka, and for that I can only be thankful to him. 
> 
> "Tsuzuki? Oi, Tsuzuki!" 
> 
> A whack against my head brings me hurdling back to reality and I blink, realising that Hisoka's been sitting opposite me for a long while and trying to talk to me for just as long, if his expression is anything to go by. 
> 
> "Sorry," I answer sheepishly, absently rubbing my head – Hisoka's slap wasn't even up to his usual standards, but the action is instinctive. "Away in my own world." 
> 
> Hisoka rolls his eyes. "No kidding," he replies, trying to inflict scorn into his voice, but he can't hide the small smile twisting the corners of his lips. 
> 
> I grin back at him, before realising that I have absolutely no idea what he was trying to tell me. "Er, you were saying?" 
> 
> He rolls his eyes, a long-suffering expression flickering across his pale face, and says, "I _said_, do you want to come over to my place tonight or are we going to yours?" 
> 
> We've been doing this for the past three months, spending time at the other's house every evening. We started doing it about two weeks after Kyoto, the first real sign we've shown to everyone else that we consider each other to be more than just partners. But whatever we do consider ourselves to be is still a mystery to us, but we're getting there. We'll figure it out eventually. We usually order something, though I've taken to buying food that Hisoka considers edible and sometimes he cooks something simple (the only thing I'm allowed to is boil water, and sometimes he's reluctant to even allow me to do that). Watari's convinced that we're up to something else entirely, but in reality we do very little. Eat, then maybe watch TV or (in Hisoka's case) read (while I watch him). Sometimes we'll play cards, Hisoka insisting to improve so I can have a little competition in the office (although, considering what I've seen him do when he played against Muraki, it feels like I'm the one who should be improving, not him). And sometimes, we'll just do nothing at all, dozing in each other's company and in a comfortable silence. It's hardly the gossip that Watari wants to hear. 
> 
> More than anything, however, I want to dance with Hisoka, selfish creature than I am. Getting him to that stage is a slow, painful process, unfortunately, but I'm working on it. I think dancing equals a dangerous amount of intimacy for him, so I'm being patient… sort of. 
> 
> "I guess we'll go to my place tonight," I decide finally. "It's shorter and I don't feel like walking much." 
> 
> Hisoka raises an eyebrow. "We'll have to walk to get the food," he points. 
> 
> "Ah, but that's different. That's _food_," I tell him seriously. 
> 
> He sighs and shakes his head, absently rubbing his forehead. I know full well that he has no headache; it's just a habit of his that he does whether his head hurts or not. 
> 
> Watari catches us just as we're leaving, bouncing up with a manic grin that usually spells trouble and more innuendo in his speech than even I can fit in. "Not doing overtime tonight?" he asks with mock-curiosity, his amber eyes positively glittering. "Does that mean you've actually _done_ all your paperwork, Tsuzuki?" he asks with an exaggerated gasp, as 003 hops onto Hisoka and begins preening for some attention (as much as an owl can preen, which is actually quite a lot). 
> 
> I snort. "Don't act so surprised." Ever since Hisoka and I started this new habit, I've been forced to actually keep my paperwork on track – using the evening for overtime is not an appealing option when I could be with Hisoka. The first week it happened, the office thought they were either going mad, or Watari had put something in the coffee, except Watari thought the exact same thing. 
> 
> "Have fun on your date, girls!" Watari says cheerfully, waggling his fingers at us in goodbye and beckoning for 003 to tear herself away from Hisoka so we can go. 
> 
> I huff. "It's not a date!" But Hisoka, patiently ignoring Watari's teasing, says a polite goodbye to Watari and proceeds to drag me out of the office before Watari can come up with anything else to say. 
> 
> His cheery, "Oooh, way to go dom, Bon!" reaches us just as we hit the door. 
> 
> "Great, he's trying to _rhyme_, now!" I groan. 
> 
> Hisoka looks like he's trying not to laugh. "You know he only still does it because you give him the reaction he wants." 
> 
> "Hai, but I'd start to worry if he didn't say that crap," I mutter as we exit JuOhCho. "The day Watari stops his cheerfully lecherous teasing is the day he's mentally ill… well, more than he already is," I amend, breathing in the cool evening air. 
> 
> Hisoka gives me a mildly reproachful look. "I'm supposed to be the grumpy one, not you," he says mildly. 
> 
> "Yeah, well, we all need a new hobby," I reply. 
> 
> "Keep that up and I'm buying you no dessert." Hisoka's trump card is a strong one. 
> 
> My irritation is instantly gone. Hisoka's much more adept at manipulation and blackmail than he lets on, but it probably only works on me. Two years as my partner means that he knows all the tricks to deal with me. In some ways, he's even better than Tatsumi, something no one ever thought would happen. 
> 
> We're walking back to my house afterwards, out arms laden down with packages and bags. I'm humming happily to myself as Hisoka bought me a slice of apple pie _and_ a slice of double chocolate fudge cake with custard. I insisted that he had to have some, too, and he's reluctantly agreed to have some of the apple pie (the amount of chocolate on the other cake made him blanch when he bought it), but I'm not complaining. Hisoka's the only person I'm willing to share my sweets with, and he knows it. 
> 
> When we're only a few streets away from my house, a couple walk past us, their arms around each other and glancing at each other in a way that means they're not even aware of us as we walk by. The air suddenly fills with tension and undercurrents of awkwardness as I look everywhere but at Hisoka, before he slowly rearranges his bags and packages to his right arm. His fingers curl around mine hesitantly as he looks away, a blush beginning on his cheeks. A smile spreads across my face – a genuine smile, not the fake one I use so often – and I wrap my fingers around his, squeezing gently. 
> 
> He glances at me and I still can't recognise all the emotions shinning in his wide, beautiful eyes. Surprise, relief, affection, fear, nervousness and so many more that I can't identify. I suppose mine are probably the same, but I daresay he can read them better. 
> 
> Sometimes, I think I'll never be happy with what we have right now, that I'll have to tell him how I feel sometime and hope that he feels the same. But now, as we walk to my house in comfortable silence, holding the other's hand, I suppose it's not so bad, after all. 
> 
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> – End _Comfortable Silence_ –
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	2. The Marks We Bear

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> Double Faced Mask
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> **   
**_A Yami no Matsuei fanfic_**
> 
> **Author:** Ria   
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copy to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she's so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.   
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, beginning Tatsumi/Watari   
**Warnings:** angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai,   
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…   
**Timeline:** A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!   
**Author's Notes:** Okay, I know technically that all that Tsuzuki and the others get is an apartment, not a house, but I wanted Tsuzuki to have a garden, so I put him in a house. That sorted out, I now present to you the official angst-filled chapter of this story! Haha, Hisoka turned pensive, what could I do? Enjoy! Lyrics are from "It Can't Come Quickly Enough" from the Scissor Sisters, and aren't mine. 
> 
> **Double Faced Mask**
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> The Marks We Bear
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> _It can't come quickly enough   
And now you've spent your life   
Waiting for this moment   
And when you finally saw it come   
It passed you by and   
Left you so defeated_
> 
> Tsuzuki looks like he's died and gone to Heaven, metaphorically speaking. The emotions that I'm picking up from him can only be described as unbelievably _fuzzy_. I probably shouldn't have bought him the two desserts, but he's been in such a strange mood today… I had to make sure that he was still himself, and dangling extra dessert in front of him was the best way. And I felt… happy when he smiled. It was more than his usual semi-hysterics when it comes to sweet things; I think he understood (somewhat) why I was giving him extra dessert. 
> 
> Oh well, he's happy, now, at least. Even if he _did_ insist that I have to eat some, too. A little apple pie won't hurt me… I suppose. Tsuzuki only ever shares his sweets with me, so I should be a little more grateful. 
> 
> When we're almost at his house, a couple pass by us, holding hands and so in love that it's nauseating. I cringe at the sappy emotions radiating from them, closing my eyes automatically as if not seeing them can make them just disappear. But I can't help opening them again and looking at the couple, wistful longing clenching in my chest. They both have someone who wants them and cares about them. Well, so do I, but I'm not sure he cares about me in the same way that I care about him. Either that, or he's pretending very, very well. His emotions, those that I can sense despite his shields, are so puzzled and tangled that I can't decipher them. 
> 
> Maybe he _is_ pretending. There are times when I look up without thinking and find him watching me out of the corner of his eye. I often feel his gaze upon me when I'm reading or doing paperwork, but I'm not entirely sure what it means. Tsuzuki's always been kind and affectionate to me (especially when I don't want him to be), but things have changed between us since Kyoto, discreet though they may be. 
> 
> I found myself fascinated with Tsuzuki right from the start, but at first it was for the wrong reasons. I couldn't believe how childish he was, this Shinigami who was supposed to be my partner. A complete letdown, and I supposed I reacted badly. Huh, I _know_ I reacted badly, but Tsuzuki took no notice, thankfully. I don't know what would have happened if he did… 
> 
> I have no idea how he didn't lose his temper with me in those first few days. I must have been his worst nightmare. But gradually I began to lighten up and not take Tsuzuki's idiosyncrasies so seriously and, somewhere along the way, began to care for him. And eventually, that care changed to need and attraction. 
> 
> I'm not sure how much Tsuzuki realises I care for him. Oh, I imagine he knows something's up, but probably not the extent of it, whereas I know exactly how he feels – or as much as I can sense from him. Tsuzuki can shield surprisingly well when he doesn't want me to find out something. While normally I'm thankful for it, it's times like these that his stubbornness is particularly frustrating. 
> 
> The air is heavy with emotions that neither of us can say and Tsuzuki is very determinedly looking away from me. And suddenly – I have enough. I juggle with my bags and packages, carefully switching them all to my right arm, before slowly extending my hand and curling my fingers around Tsuzuki's. My heart is thumping and I'm fighting to stay calm as I look away – not easy when I've practically told him how I feel in actions! 
> 
> For a long moment all I can sense is surprise from him, before a warm acceptance and delight floods my senses as he wraps his fingers around mine, too, and squeezes gently. I glance at him before I can help it and there's a huge, genuine smile on his face. I smile back at him, certain that my face is easier to read than a book. 
> 
> He visibly hesitates, before wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me to him. We walk together, a gentle comfort wrapped around us like a worn, well-loved blanket as I breathe in his familiar scent. 
> 
> This is love. It has to be. Nothing can be better than this. 
> 
> I stare around at our surroundings as we walk, mildly interested. I'm always amazed at how… normal Meifu is, like our old world. Same houses, same places, almost the same weather. But there is no transportation here and pollution is non-existent. Apparently death grants us all more wisdom than we were originally gifted with. It rarely rains here, falling like our tears upon the mortal world. I always watch it, mesmerized, sitting and watching it run down the window in clear rivulets. To me, the rain is something to love and be comforted by. Tsuzuki doesn't even try to understand my fascination with it. 
> 
> Tsuzuki's house is… well, normal, too. There's nothing particularly extraordinary about it, but it has a charm of its own, as houses go. It's a bungalow, painted a faded white with a vibrant garden surrounding it. Tsuzuki's garden is his pride and joy. Apart from eating, it's his most favourite hobby. As soon as he was well enough after Kyoto (the Chief having forbidden him to come back to work), Tsuzuki spent countless hours gardening while I read and kept an eye on him. I'm not entirely sure how he managed to get a house while the rest of us are in apartments, but I think the garden had something to do with it. That, and the fact that Tsuzuki's so powerful and doesn't even realise it, half the time… I suppose it gets him some leverage and not a little favouritism. Of course, he's so modest that it's almost idiotic, but I can never fault him for it. 
> 
> I sink into a chair by Tsuzuki's kitchen table with a sigh, helping him unpack while he chatters. We get everything ready in companionable silence (apart from one moment where I sternly tell him that he _can't_ have his first dessert before his main meal) and I settle into my favourite armchair with Tsuzuki opposite me. Tonight is a night for silence and our conversation is sporadic at best, but neither of us is particularly bothered by such a minor detail. 
> 
> "Ne," Tsuzuki says after a while. "Is it me, or is Watari-kun spending a lot more time than usual with Tatsumi-kun lately?" He pokes his food with his chopsticks as he talks, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. 
> 
> I frown at him, my own food halfway to my mouth. I lower my chopsticks, thinking back on the last few weeks. "Is he?" Truthfully, I hadn't noticed anything, but then, I haven't been paying much attention to anyone other than Tsuzuki in the last few months. 
> 
> "Hai!" Tsuzuki nods energetically. "He used to spend some time with him before, but now he acts like it's his mission to annoy Tatsumi-kun as quickly as possible." He pauses, pouting. "I thought that was _my_ job." 
> 
> I can't help but roll my eyes, but I think I know what's going on. From what little Watari would tell me after Kyoto (possibly to keep my jealousy tendencies at bay), Tatsumi was really shaken up after Tsuzuki nearly died. Not to mention, furious with himself that it had been me who had run to save him, while he held back and followed Tsuzuki's wishes. I suppose he had felt protective of Tsuzuki afterwards, holding himself a little responsible, and from what I can gather, Tsuzuki had been grateful to him (he _had_ saved us both, after all), but had turned to me for comfort. 
> 
> I'm not really sure what to do, considering the two of them have a long, complicated history together, while I've only been around for the last two years. On the other hand, I can't deny what I feel for Tsuzuki, so I suppose I'll just have to come to an understanding with Tatsumi, if that's even possible. 
> 
> It's complicated. 
> 
> So, I think Watari's taken it upon himself to be Tsuzuki's replacement, thereby using every excuse to try and drive the man mad. And, well, if Watari feels something more towards Tatsumi, he has my every blessing to at least try. 
> 
> Tsuzuki rambles on about Watari and Tatsumi for a while longer, while I make short interjections here and there. Our conversation twists and turns for another while, until Tsuzuki is able to eat his dessert, at last. I honestly thought he'd just give me a small bite of the damn apple pie, so when he plonks himself beside me and patiently holds out the fork at me, I'm literally speechless. 
> 
> "What are you doing?" I ask at last, staring at the fork like it's grown heads. 
> 
> Tsuzuki blinks at me. "Feeding you," he says, as if it's blatantly obvious and I'm rather slow. 
> 
> I stare at him harder. "Why?" 
> 
> "Because it'll be fun?" he asks, now looking slightly worried. 
> 
> "Fun?" I repeat, as if the word's alien. 
> 
> He nods, then pouts. "C'mon, it'll be fun! Hi-so-kaaaa," he pleads, and EnMa damn me, but I can't say no. 
> 
> I let out a huff of breath. "Oh, all right," I say, and let my mouth close over the fork, trying to eat with as much dignity as possible. I never understand why anyone wants to be fed by another person, babies exempted. It's just too _messy_ and _bothersome_. But if Tsuzuki gets a kick out of it, well… 
> 
> What is it that one of those Western writers said? 'I can resist everything except temptation'? Well, that's me, and Tsuzuki's my temptation, my forbidden fruit, and I _want_ him. 
> 
> It takes me a while, but I eventually realise that Tsuzuki's a little _too_ interested in watching me eat and as his shields accidentally drop, I suddenly sense all the emotions pouring from him, most of them specifically targeted at me. A blush floods my cheeks before I can help it, and I know that Tsuzuki knows why it's happening. The emotions he's feeling… the expression in his eyes… I can't _handle_ them… 
> 
> He gains control, albeit shakily, and I can breathe again. But then he carefully puts down the dessert and stares straight at me. Our noses are barely inches apart and for one breathless moment, I think he's going to kiss me. His eyes narrow and he draws closer… 
> 
> …to lick whipped cream that's accidentally smeared across the tip of my nose. I nearly keel over from sheer disbelief. 
> 
> "You okay?" he asks, giving me a quizzical look as my face flames even further. 
> 
> I nod breathlessly. "H-hai," I mutter. "I'm absolutely _fine_." 
> 
> Thankfully, things came down after that and we retreat back to safer ground. I tell Tsuzuki that I've had enough and he reluctantly finishes his desserts on his own, seeming to have lost some of his enjoyment and treating it more as a chore, which is always a bad sign. 
> 
> I yawn, my eyes drooping. "Do you want me to stay here tonight?" I ask sleepily, rubbing my eyes. 
> 
> "If you want," he says sullenly, before instantly looking ashamed of himself as I glance sharply at him. "Sorry… I wasn't thinking… it came out wrong." 
> 
> I resist my initial impulse of snapping at him, murmuring, "I'll always be here for you, you know that." 
> 
> He smiles at me, a brilliant, genuine smile. "I know, and I'll always be here for you. After all, what's a partner for, ne?" he asks, standing up and beginning to gather the rubbish. 
> 
> "Mmm," I murmur, letting him pull me up and helping carry in some of the boxes and cartons. We clean up quickly and stagger to the bedroom. We stay the night at each other's place so often that it's become habit for us to leave a spare set of sleepwear and clothes, to save us going back to change the next morning. I change while Tsuzuki uses the bathroom, and then we switch. 
> 
> After finishing in the bathroom, I crawl into the bed beside Tsuzuki's (it was in the spare bedroom, but we eventually figured out how to move it with Watari's help, in a day with much cursing, breaking and confusion never to be repeated again) and snuggle down with a soft sigh. I'm so tired… But I murmur vague replies to Tsuzuki's quiet babbling until the blanket of slumber finally claims me. 
> 
> I wake up to Tsuzuki's panicked, memory-fuelled cries. 
> 
> I stumble out of bed, hardly able to think and acting purely on instinct and memory from other times like these. His cries are loud and high-pitched, proof enough that this is a nightmare that he doesn't have to relive and needs to be woken up from _immediately_. I grab his shoulders and shake him gently, murmuring his name repeatedly. I don't want to have to hurt him, but I will if it's the only way to wake him up. 
> 
> He jerks awake, his purple eyes wide, tear-filled and frantic. His gaze locks on me for one second, before his fragile control shatters and he clings to me, sobbing. I close my eyes, my head beginning to throb at the assault of his emotions. Pain, agony, fear, relief, anguish, all battering at my shields until I feel just as fragile and lost as he is. I hold him, smoothing his hair and murmuring nonsense words of comfort like he does for me, rocking him back and forth and thinking of comfort and safety as he gradually and painfully calms down. 
> 
> "Don't leave me," he whimpers over and over. "Don't leave me, don't _ever_ leave me because I don't think I could cope. I _need_ you." 
> 
> "I know," I reply softly. "Don't worry, I won't ever leave you." I wonder why, for the first in a long time, I had no nightmares tonight. Usually I'm trying to forget my own demons when I'm comforting him, and vice-versa. But tonight is different – I was lost in the dark embrace of sleep before he woke me up, nothing more. 
> 
> Tsuzuki's said other things when he's like this, things he probably would never tell me when he's awake, since he usually never remembers them when he wakes up the next day. They hint to me that there's a good chance he feels the same way about me as I do about him, but there's a nagging seed of doubt that says perhaps what he says is just half-conscious ramblings that his frantic mind invents, and I'm too uncertain to ever ask. And he never remembers anyway, so what's the point? 
> 
> It's not just because we talk too long that we stay at each other's place for the night. It's hard to comfort yourself when you're crying too hard to think properly. 
> 
> The nightmares are always humbling. They remind me that Tsuzuki is human, just like the rest of us. It's too easy to slip into the stereotypes that he wants us to believe, of the bumbling idiot who loves dessert too much. It's too easy to forget that he's old, old, old, older than even my grandparents, and been through more than I can ever imagine. It's too easy to forget that he hated himself so much only a few months ago that he almost welcomed the second death. It's too easy to only think of him as the partner that I've fallen for completely and am almost fighting Tatsumi for. 
> 
> But now, as I rock him back to sleep and listen to his lessoning sobs, I wonder if perhaps I should be satisfied with what I've already got, instead of demanding even more from him. 
> 
> **- End _The Marks We Bear_ –**


	3. Chemical Reaction

> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **   
**_A Yami no Matsuei fanfic_**
> 
> **Author:** Ria   
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she's so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.   
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari   
**Warnings:** angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai   
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…   
**Timeline:** A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!   
**Author's Notes:** Our resident mad scientist(tm) speaks (and rambles…)! This is the longest chapter so far because Watari found it hard to shut up. g What else is new, eh? And the Watari/Tatsumi is finally here! Enjoy! Lyrics are from "The Scientist" from Coldplay, and aren't mine. 
> 
> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **  
**
> 
> Chemical Reaction
> 
> **
> 
> _I was just guessing   
At numbers and figures   
Pulling your puzzles apart_
> 
> _Questions of science   
Science and progress   
Do not speak as loud as my heart_
> 
> Something's up. I can practically taste it on the air and I'm not imagining things if Bon's body language is anything to go by. Everyone else knows that something is going on, too; they watch them and wait for a sign, some shred of proof that things have really changed _that_ way for them. 
> 
> Me? I just go up and ask them, usually getting a smack on the head for my troubles. But more often than not, they end up inadvertently telling me what I want to hear in the midst of their ranting and yelling, which I then go on to tell everyone else. Hell, I'm the office grapevine, after all! 
> 
> Tsuzuki has been broodier than usual (I've lost count of the amount of times that I've caught him at his desk, staring into space) and Bon's edgier than a cat on a hot tin roof. They're doing this strange little dance around each other, full of slight touches and sidelong glances from underneath lowered eyelashes... I think it's very cute. 
> 
> I also know damn well that they want to shag each other senseless. It's blatantly obvious. 
> 
> Tatsumi knows what the dance means, too, and he doesn't like it. I can't really blame him, but he's had plenty of chances with Tsuzuki and he's managed to blow them all. He's too cautious a lover for Tsuzuki, no matter how much he cares about him, and he knows it. He's never quite forgiven himself for letting Bon run into Touda's flames while he stayed back and respected Tsuzuki's wishes. Thank God he had the sense to save them both. 
> 
> He's jealous, though he'd go into debt before he'd admit it. He's jealous of Bon because he's more reckless when it comes to our violet-eyed Shinigami, and he's jealous of Tsuzuki because he instinctively turns to Bon instead of Tatsumi for comfort and companionship. He's just… jealous. 
> 
> If you ask me, Tatsumi needs to accept defeat gracefully and move on. And possibly notice me to boot, but perhaps that's asking a little too much. Oh well, I can do it fine on my own, anyway. Tatsumi needs someone who's able to get him to lighten up a bit, but not with the bucket-loads of angst and self-pity that accompany Tsuzuki. And, well, can I help it if that person is me? 
> 
> I'll get my man. Eventually. 
> 
> On my way to Tsuzuki's office, I stop by my own, peering in just to remind myself what it looks like. I don't like the place, really – it doesn't have the charm of my lab, but Bon always points out that's it have charm if I actually spent time there. And as I'm a graceful freeloader (as Bon so elegantly called me when he was in a foul mood, much to Tsuzuki's distress and my amusement) who spends most of his time in his lab accidentally making explosions, I have very little paperwork to do. I don't think anyone even comes here anymore, instead treating my lab as my office. 
> 
> Oh, well. I glance around once more, before firmly shutting the door behind me for another couple of months. 
> 
> Tsuzuki's alone in the office he shares with Bon, staring at his paperwork as if just by looking at it, it can be done. To be fair, he's actually been doing his paperwork regularly ever since he and Bon got into this after-work habit of theirs. Though everyone thought they were just imagining it because I'd put something in the coffee, which would have been offensive if I hadn't thought I was imagining it, too. 
> 
> "Hey, Tsuzuki," I greet him with a smile and a cheerful wave. "Where's Bon?" 
> 
> He looks up and smiles in return. "He's in the library, chatting with the Gushoshin." 
> 
> Ah, that makes things _much_ easier. I'll tackle them one at a time. "So," I say casually, hopping up on Bon's desk and swinging my legs as I face Tsuzuki, "what's going on between you two?" 
> 
> Tsuzuki blinks and freezes. After several moments of silence and what appears to be some rapid thinking, he sighs, "Nothing." 
> 
> I laugh, a surprise burst of sound. Tsuzuki stares at me. "Oh, come on!" I chuckle. "Surely you can do better than that?" 
> 
> "Eh?" Tsuzuki looks completely lost. 
> 
> "Everyone knows that something's going on better you two – you just won't publicly admit it," I say, smiling pleasantly. 
> 
> "There's nothing going on!" Tsuzuki frowns, unusually stubborn about the subject, so I go onto my back-up plan. 
> 
> "Here, I made these for you," I remark, pulling a small box of chocolates from my pocket. "I promise that they're edible and won't main or kill you, or turn you into a woman." Tsuzuki's eyes light up and he reaches eagerly for the package, but I dangle them just out of his reach. "First," I say sweetly, "tell me what's going on between you and Bon." 
> 
> Tsuzuki sighs and wilts, knowing that he's been trapped, rather brilliantly if I do say so myself. Finally he mumbles, "There's really nothing going on, but…" 
> 
> "But you'd like there to be," I say shrewdly, my eyes narrowing as I study him. My glasses drop down my nose, but I don't bother to push them up – that's Tatsumi's automatic gesture, not mine. 
> 
> Tsuzuki nods, a complete picture of misery, and I can't help but feel sorry for him. "Here." I toss the little box at him. 
> 
> He catches it easily and already has two chocolates swallowed by the time I blink. Surprise spreads across his face. "These are really good, Watari! How come you can't cook this well all the time?" 
> 
> I shrug, pleased with his backhanded compliment. "I try my best," I reply, smiling. "So," I go on, settling myself more completely on the desk, "talk to your Uncle Watari." 
> 
> Tsuzuki gives me a doubtful look. "No offence, but you hardly strike me as the agony uncle type." 
> 
> I shrug again. "Hey, even I need a hobby other than exploding things, ne?" 
> 
> "Hai, I suppose so." Tsuzuki silently contemplates is general situation for a moment, before groaning and collapsing onto his desk. "I don't know what to do! I _do_ like him, but I can't just come out and say it! Hisoka would probably throw furniture at me, or something…" 
> 
> I can hardly argue with that, but I have to try. "So you're just going to let things continue like this? Hardly! What's wrong here is that you two are seriously in denial and hiding behind the excuse that 'he probably doesn't really like me, anyway', because Bon _does_ feel that way for you Tsuzuki, only he's just as reluctant to admit it as you are! I can see it, and so can everyone else! Everyone, it seems, except you!" 
> 
> Tsuzuki shakes his head. "No, I can see the hints, except he's so… skittish, and I keep thinking that I'm going to do the wrong thing and ruin everything completely!" 
> 
> I cup my chin in my right hand and regard him thoughtfully. "Well, keep thinking like that and you _will_ do the wrong thing. What you need is some optimism." 
> 
> Tsuzuki snorts, studying a chocolate before popping it into his mouth. "Easy for you to say." 
> 
> No, not really, since Tatsumi no more notices me now than he did twenty years ago (except when I piss him off), but I don't voice that aloud. We're here to solve Tsuzuki's love life, not my own. One problem at a time. 
> 
> "Hmmm." I absently fiddle with the ends of my hair as I try to think through this as logically as I can. Not that easy, considering logic isn't exactly my forte. I leave all that to Tatsumi and Bon. "I think I have a solution." 
> 
> Tsuzuki blinks repeatedly. "You do? That was fast! I've been trying to figure this out for the last few months and didn't get anywhere!" 
> 
> I beam at him. "Scientific genius, remember?" Maybe I was too hasty to dismiss counselling, after all… 
> 
> "So, what's your solution, then?" Tsuzuki asks, leaning back in his chair, paperwork forgotten. He certainly has his priorities right. 
> 
> "Simple!" I strike a pose, pausing for dramatic effect. "You, Tsuzuki Asato, must woo Kurosaki Hisoka!" 
> 
> A few heartbeats of silence. Then: "_Woo_ him?" 
> 
> "Hai!" I nod energetically. I know it's not the thought of it that's surprised Tsuzuki, considering the time period that he grew up in, but the actual prospect of wooing _Bon_ that's freaking him out. I can't say that I blame him, however – this is certainly a more hare-brained scheme of mine. Bon would probably like being wooed about as much as he likes being accidentally touched by complete strangers. But done the right way it could work, especially considering that it's Tsuzuki that's doing the actual wooing… 
> 
> Tsuzuki considers this new option for several minutes, his brow furrowed. Hey, it beats being confused and miserable, if you ask me. Of course, I'm just the resident mad scientist, what do I know? 
> 
> A lot more than they think, but that's my little secret. 
> 
> "Okay," he says at last, looking up at me. "What do I have to do?" 
> 
> I can't help but give him a withering glance. "It's not what you _have_ to do, Tsuzuki, but what you _want_ to do. But considering that this is Bon we're dealing with, we have to be a little more careful. We _really_ don't want him throwing any furniture at you." I contemplate for a while, before saying, "I'd say for you to try and stop him always snapping and yelling at you, but since he doesn't do that as much anymore anyway, it's not top priority. You could be a bit more responsible, but you've already started that by actually doing your paperwork on time. Hmmm… how about taking him out someplace special?" 
> 
> "You mean, like a restaurant?" Tsuzuki asks. 
> 
> I nod. "Hai! But maybe you shouldn't go on about dessert as much, at least for the first time. If you started changing completely, he'd probably start thinking you have some sort of ulterior motive." I pause. "On second thought, never mind. Act like yourself. Staying normal is better." 
> 
> Tsuzuki smiles, before suddenly wilting. "But we've gone to restaurants plenty of times before. It's not going to be very special, is it?" 
> 
> I sigh. Sometimes, I think he does this deliberately just to frustrate me. "You have to make it special, Tsuzuki. Dress up a bit!" I know damn well that Bon is a fashion plate when he wants to be, so having Tsuzuki actually dress up will be a major hint that this is out of the ordinary. "What else that's special would you like to do with him?" 
> 
> There's a very long pause before Tsuzuki looks at me with large eyes and whispers, "I want to dance with him." 
> 
> For a moment I can only stare at him, touched despite myself. Considering Tsuzuki and dancing, it's not surprise that's what he'd consider really special to do with Bon. In fact, I can already see it in my mind's eye… I wonder if there's any way I could sneak 003 in to take pictures… 
> 
> That is, if we can get this to work… 
> 
> I clap brightly. "Well, there's your answer! Take him dancing after the meal! Or, better yet, do it privately at your own place afterwards, since he's still not that good in crowds…" I beam, even surprised myself that this is going so well. Maybe I should seriously start considering a future counselling role… I could try Terazuma next – well, Wakaba-chan and I would get a kick out of it, at least, maybe not him… 
> 
> Tsuzuki still doesn't look completely convinced and I'm beginning to feel a little irritated; my plan is foolproof, after all – well, almost. "But, even if it works… well, every time that I'd try to touch him, he'd think of _him_. Hell, so would I, for that matter." A furious light has appeared in Tsuzuki's striking eyes as his expression hardens. 
> 
> I can feel my own blood pressure rising. Like most of the office, I'd dearly wish to get my hands on the dearly psychotic Muraki so I could destroy him slowly and painfully. Tsuzuki and Bon won't say much, but I know that neither will forget him anytime soon. Thankfully, moving on doesn't mean forgetting, but that isn't easy for them, either. 
> 
> I know that Tsuzuki still has the nightmares from Kyoto, and I know that Bon still can't watch the Sakura at night without flinching. 
> 
> I let out a heavy sigh, knowing that I have to be careful in what I say next. "You've no choice, Tsuzuki. You just going to have to make the first move, or never make it at all. You know Bon and physical attraction. If you left it up to him, he wouldn't make the first move for at _least_ another decade," I tell him as matter-of-factly as I can, while still trying to be gentle. 
> 
> Tsuzuki groans and props his chin on his hands. "I guess you're right," he says mournfully. 
> 
> I sniff. "Of _course_ I'm right!" 
> 
> He cracks a smile despite himself. "I'm scared," he confesses. 
> 
> I nod. "This is important to you; of course you are. If you weren't, I'd start to worry." I give him my best reassuring smile. "But I wouldn't worry about it – it's _Bon_. He loses about half his common sense when it comes to you!" 
> 
> Tsuzuki frowns. "Was that supposed to make me feel better?" 
> 
> I shrug. "Eh, I tried." 
> 
> He smiles. "Thanks, Watari." 
> 
> I smile back at him. "You're welcome." 
> 
> Our conversation-cum-counselling session comes to an abrupt half by Bon walking in, his arms laden down with books that the Gushoshin probably lent him with much gushing and praise. I eye the stack of books warily; Bon and I disagree on the definition of 'light reading'. The kid can go through a six hundred page tome in a day with no interruptions – he should be the one wearing glasses, not me! 
> 
> "Hi, Bon!" I trill, beaming at him. 003 flutters from his shoulder to hover around me (so that's where she went to), before landing on my shoulder and cuddling up to my hair. I pet her affectionately for a moment, before turning my attention back to Bon. 
> 
> He turns those unnatural, piercing eyes to me and a small smile ghosts over his lips. "Watari-san," he greets me, always too polite for his own good sometimes. I hop off his desk so he can put his books down. 
> 
> "Well, I'll be going," I say cheerfully, waving at them as I move towards the door. 003 cracks open an eye and hoots goodbye. Tsuzuki gives me a slightly panicked look, but I wink at him. 
> 
> I glance behind me as I leave, just in time to see the mixed expression of fear and longing cross Bon's face as he looks at Tsuzuki, who's back to staring at his paperwork again. 
> 
> Yup, Tsuzuki has absolutely nothing to worry about, at all. 
> 
> "Watari-san."
> 
> The polite, cool voice makes me stop in my tracks, just a few feet away from Tsuzuki and Bon's office. I turn to find Tatsumi standing behind me with his arms crossed and a neutral expression on his face. 
> 
> "Tatsumi-san," I say warmly, but not with my usual carefree attitude. Tsuzuki's the only one able to talk to Tatsumi in his normal tones; the rest of us are always more instinctively polite. On the other hand, it doesn't usually serve Tsuzuki any better, either, so I don't think we're missing much. One look at Tatsumi's expression, and I know that he knows damn well what I've just been talking about with Tsuzuki. 003 hoots hesitantly at the Boss Man, but knows better than to approach him for any attention. 
> 
> It must be so difficult for someone as unflappable and serious as Tatsumi to feel such intense jealousy, particularly for someone so much younger than him. I suspect that he finds it a struggle to control it, though he wouldn't admit it until it was too and he'd already lashed out at someone, most likely Bon. 
> 
> "It's unlike you to give romantic advice," Tatsumi remarks as he steps up to stand beside me. 
> 
> _And it's unlike you to take such an interest in anyone's love-life,_ I think. _Of course, since it's Tsuzuki's, you can't help yourself._ Out loud, I say with a shrug, "Tsuzuki asked me for his opinion and I gave it." A complete lie, of course, since I had to bribe him to tell me what was going on, but Tatsumi already knows that and I'm not going to say it. I like my pride just as it is. 
> 
> "Hn." Something flickers across Tatsumi's face, gone too quickly for me to recognise it. But I can guess. 
> 
> "Jealousy doesn't really suit you, Tatsumi-san," I say gently, hoping that this isn't going to backfire on me. 
> 
> Tatsumi's hard eyes widen a fraction and I instinctively take a step back. He's silent for the next few minutes and I stare out a window while I wait. I can see the gentle fall of Sakura in the distance, the soft monotony making me automatically relax. 
> 
> "I don't want to be jealous." Tatsumi's voice, though still cool and distant, now has a softer tint to it. "I willingly gave up Tsuzuki all those years ago. I shouldn't feel like this. But…" 
> 
> "It's hard to accept change," I remark after a while, risking a glance at him. He's staring outside, too, but I can tell that he's not really seeing anything. "It's hard to accept that Tsuzuki is no longer going to be there as he always was, that there's someone he cherishes and loves now that's not you." 
> 
> Tatsumi chuckles. "Since when did you get so well at delivering advice?" I grin at him as he glances at me, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as they always do. But, possibly for the first time since I've known him, he doesn't automatically push them up this time. 
> 
> "It's a new talent," I reply, wondering how I can turn this to my advantage. Perhaps if Tatsumi had a part in the matchmaking it would lessen his jealousy. "Why don't you deliver some helpful advice to Bon?" I suggest, deliberately not looking at him. "It would certainly make Tsuzuki's job easier if Bon was a _little_ clued in." It'd make my job a little easier, too, since I don't think I can go through with Bon what I've just gone through with Tsuzuki. 
> 
> Besides, Bon wouldn't dare throw furniture at Tatsumi. Well, not without a genuine reason that wouldn't get him fired, anyway. 
> 
> "_Me_?" The incredulity in Tatsumi's voice makes me look at him. The blatant astonishment on his face is so entertaining that it'd probably kill me if I weren't already dead. 
> 
> I feel a wicked smile curly my lips. "Hai, Boss Man, you." I come right up beside him and stare at him, my hands on my hips and a challenge in my eyes. "Why, don't you think you can do it?" 003 titters anxiously, but I ignore her. 
> 
> Tatsumi's eyes narrow as he studies me, and for a moment I wonder if he's as oblivious to what I feel for him as I assume he is. "Very well," he says in a clipped voice. "I'll speak with him." 
> 
> My smile widens to a grin as I lay down my trump card. "Care to make a little wager, too?" My voice is innocent, teasing, but I know the expression in my eyes is anything but. 
> 
> I always see more than everyone thinks I do. Thus, I know all of their weaknesses and motivations. And Tatsumi, scrooge that he is, can never resist money. 
> 
> His eyes gleam and he grins back at me. "Very well," he purrs, and my heart begins to thump despite my best efforts. "What are we wagering on?" 
> 
> "That when Tsuzuki finally tells Bon how he feels, things will finally happen between them," I say triumphantly. 
> 
> "Fine," Tatsumi murmurs, a goading expression on his face. I grin, almost laughing. It's not even close to his true feelings, but getting Tatsumi to relax and let his guard down is an immense task in itself that requires constant dedication and persistence. But if he sees me as more than the resident mad scientist with the trademark insane cackle for even a moment, then I'm one step closer. I can be happy with that. 
> 
> I toss him one last smile and turn, sauntering down the hallways, 0003 hovering around me, slightly anxious at the uneven emotional levels that she's picking up on. I can feel Tatsumi's gaze on me as I walk, and I can't help the smug smile from spreading across my face. 
> 
> If today's taught me anything, it's that I definitely shouldn't dismiss my budding agony uncle skills in future. Not only have I helped make significant progress on Tsuzuki and Bon's love life, but also my own currently doesn't look all that bad, either. 
> 
> **– End _Chemical Reaction_ –**


	4. Logical Conclusion

> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **   
**_A Yami no Matsuei fanfic_**
> 
> **Author:** Ria   
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she's so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.   
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari   
**Warnings:** angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai   
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…   
**Timeline:** A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!   
**Author's Notes:** And the secretary speaks. And a case comes. And… yeah, that's the most of it. To warn you all, my case inventing skills aren't that great, so bear with me! I'll do my best. Also, I want to thank everyone who's commented so far – to know that you're enjoying the story and want to continue reading makes me sickeningly happy. g Enjoy! Lyrics are from "The Bazaar" by The Tea Party, and aren't mine. Also, if you want to know when I update, you can friend my updates livejournal: /quillstrokes 
> 
> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **  
**
> 
> Logical Conclusion
> 
> **
> 
> _And on the walls   
Shadows play   
Twilight souls   
Anguished ways   
Lost adrift   
Severed seas   
I await you   
Come to me_
> 
> I stare at the file, my fingers itching to simply hide it in the midst of previous cases and blame the error on, say, the Gushoshin. But my fingers stay where they are and I continue to steadily read the details, my actions remaining calm. 'Misplacing' the file would be childish, not to mention the fact that the Gushoshin would never speak to me again if I did. 
> 
> EnmaDaiOh has declared that we must no longer give Tsuzuki and Kurosaki-kun simple cases anymore. According to him, four months is enough: we need out strongest pair back where they belong. To be blunt, things have to get back to normal. Konoe-Kacho and I protested, of course, saying that Tsuzuki was still too mentally fragile, but our protests were gently reprimanded. We had been lucky that no serious cases had come in the last four months, but soon our luck would run out, and what were we to do then? the god asked us. 
> 
> And now Lady Luck has finally turned her face from us, if the file I hold in my hands is any evidence. 
> 
> I can put it off for no longer, not now that Konoe-Kacho and I have called them for a meeting to discuss this new case. I stand and walk towards the door, stepping into the hallway with my usual dignity. People lower their eyes and murmur respectfully to me as they pass by, and I nod and murmur equally polite, hollow words in reply. 
> 
> Everyone else is already present when I arrive, sitting and making empty conversation that has no significance merely to pass the time. Tsuzuki gives me hi usual cheerful greeting, while Kurosaki-kun and Konoe-Kacho's greetings are more conservative and normal. I reply and sit down, glancing at Konoe-Kacho as I do so. He indicates his head, silently telling me that I can begin talking first. Coward. 
> 
> "We have a new case for you," I begin, rifling through the file as I speak. "More difficult than the ones you've had lately." 
> 
> Tsuzuki's smile fades, as his eyes turn grim. Surely he didn't think that he'd be on those simple cases for the rest of his career just because of Kyoto, did he? We _need_ a Shinigami of his power for a reason, after all! 
> 
> Kurosaki-kun doesn't say anything yet, merely regards me with his brilliant emerald stare. 
> 
> "Hai," I tell Tsuzuki, keeping my tone as quiet and as calm as possible. Tsuzuki still doesn't look happy, but I don't particularly want to tell him that I'm under EnmaDaiOh's personal orders, even though it would take the blame off me. 
> 
> "What are the details?" Kurosaki-kun asks, his unnerving gaze still on me. 
> 
> I hand the file over to him, but begin to tell them regardless. I'm always one for proper timekeeping, after all. "For over a month, there have been several mysterious deaths, but at first they seemed normal – teenage suicides and accidents, and such. Later details and circumstances have only brought this to our attention, now. Teenagers have died in suspicious circumstances with their names appearing on the Kiseki as normal." I pause, before going on. "But though all the souls were nowhere to be found, we realised the reason for some of them was that they were still in the bodies." 
> 
> Tsuzuki appears horrified and unable to believe what he's hearing, but Kurosaki-kun merely frowns as he thinks. "Is that even possible?" he asks after a moment's thought. "If the souls are still in the bodies, then the teenagers should still be alive." 
> 
> I shake my head. "No they are dead. Somehow, their souls are still bound to their bodies." 
> 
> Tsuzuki's horror has grown even larger and I can't blame him for being horrified. To be forcibly bound to one's body even after death, never to receive the final judgement and to always wonder… the thought is not amusing. 
> 
> "But there is more," I go on slowly. Tsuzuki's expression is clearly disbelieving that things can't _get_ any worse in this situation. "Of the souls that are not bound to the bodies, it appears that they were… taken. We know this because they were all killed in a similar way…" 
> 
> "They were drained of life to the point of death before the soul was bound or taken," Kurosaki-kun interrupts in a harsh whisper. "So they're technically dead, but still aren't." I glance at him – he's already finished reading the file and is now giving the photos a quick once-over. Tsuzuki looks at them over his partner's shoulders and immediately blanches, but Kurosaki-kun's expression remains coolly interested. His backbone is admirable, but I'm still irritated at his interruption. 
> 
> I nod. "The case is obviously not straightforward, thus why you two have been assigned to it. Your instructions are to find whoever is doing this and free the souls for judgement. I would say that you're not to destroy the murderer but, knowing you two, you'll manage it, anyway." 
> 
> Tsuzuki mock-glares at me, but Kurosaki-kun doesn't bother showing any reaction. 
> 
> "It's also in… Nagasaki, the same place as your first assignment, I believe," I say smoothly after a moment. It's a disturbing irony, actually, that they would have to return to the same place of their very first assignment after almost dying together. 
> 
> This time, their reactions are the most extreme I've seen from them in a long while – Tsuzuki's jaw drops, while Kurosaki-kun's eyes widen in a clear show of surprise. I remain indifferent, patiently waiting for them to over come their surprise. Needless to say, Kurosaki-kun recovers first. 
> 
> "Tsuzuki, you may go, but we'd like to speak to Kurosaki-kun alone for a moment." Konoe-Kacho speaks at last. 
> 
> Kurosaki-kun allows a brief flicker of surprise to cross across his face, while Tsuzuki doesn't even bother to try and hide his astonishment. They exchange a quick glance, before Kurosaki-kun nods. Tsuzuki stands up, says goodbye, and leaves without a word of protest. 
> 
> I stare at the young Shinigami, who's gone back to perusing the file. It galls a little that Tsuzuki never does a thing I ask him, while he follows this boy without question. Even mentally, he's still only a teenager. True, Kurosaki-kun's better for Tsuzuki than I ever was, but it still _galls_. 
> 
> I get down to business immediately, of course. "Kurosaki-kun, we assume you will be keeping a close eye on Tsuzuki-san," I say briskly, meeting his gaze squarely. "While we know that keeping him calm is… difficult, we hope that you'll keep him from getting into any potentially dangerous situations or going off on any wild goose chases." 
> 
> "Of course," Kurosaki-kun replies blandly, though I imagine that he's thinking something along the lines of, _Well, what do you_ expect _me to do?_
> 
> "Since this case is quite open-ended, I've also booked you into a hotel for however long you need," I continue. The hotel is several steps up from the sort that I usually use, at Konoe-Kacho's insistence. The very thought of the wasted expense makes my blood boil. Tsuzuki's mentally fragile, not physically ill! "Any questions?" 
> 
> Kurosaki-kun pauses, tracing the edge of the file folder with his fingertips. At last he asks, "Is there any trace of Muraki on this case?" 
> 
> Ah. Konoe-Kacho and I exchange glances, before I reply, "No, not a trace. Whoever is doing this, it's not Muraki." 
> 
> Now apparently satisfied, Kurosaki-kun says his polite goodbyes and leaves, presumably to find his partner. 
> 
> I should have known that they'd want to know that. I should have told them that Muraki had no part in this from the very beginning of the meeting! This is their first serious case since Kyoto, after all! I continue to berate myself as I walk back to my office. 
> 
> It's times like these that I think I'll never learn. 
> 
> The office is too quiet with them gone. 
> 
> Well, the office is too quiet with _Tsuzuki_ gone. Kurosaki-kun always was the saner of the two when it came to noise levels. Terazuma is only explosive when Tsuzuki is around; left alone, he simply does his paperwork for his and Wakaba-chan's latest case before going home. 
> 
> I'm too distracted by the silence to work. Watari hasn't even exploded anything in the past day, a suspicious miracle in itself – it usually means that he's gearing up for something worse. 
> 
> "Tatsumi-saaan!" 
> 
> Speak of the devil… 
> 
> Watari bounces through the door, beaming his trademark smile, 003 perched serenely on his shoulder. It never fails to amaze me how that owl remains so calm with such a neurotic master. "Tatsumi-saaaan!" he carols again. 
> 
> I gaze at him without blinking. "I heard you the first time," I tell him mildly. He merely smirks at me and I inwardly let out a sigh of extreme frustration. "What are you doing here?" 
> 
> "I came to keep you company, since it must be driving you up the wall not having Tsuzuki to yell at," he quips, his eyes twinkling. "Pent-up emotion, you know?" 
> 
> I glare at him. "I was enjoying the peace and quiet, _actually_," I seethe, lying blatantly and not really caring. 
> 
> "Mmmm. _Sure_ you were," Watari remarks, settling himself into a chair and giving me a knowing look. I want to strangle him quietly and efficiently. 
> 
> I let out a slow huff of breath. "Is there any point to this visit beyond your fulfilling Tsuzuki's role in his absence?" 
> 
> Watari's grin turns wicked. "Just to remind you of our little wager," he says, trying to sound innocent and failing. "In case you'd forgotten." 
> 
> I imagine that my expression has turned hostile by now. How can I forget, when he reminds me as often as possible? "No, I haven't forgotten," I tell him neutrally. 
> 
> "So… when are you going to have that little chat with Bon?" Watari asks, his expression teasing and challenging at the same time. He thinks he's won by getting me to agree to his matchmaking scheme so easily, but I'll prove him wrong when it all comes together. He hasn't won by a long shot. 
> 
> "When the time is right," I say tersely, glaring at him. 
> 
> Watari smirks. "So… a decade's time from now, then?" 
> 
> The look I throw at him would probably kill him if he weren't already dead, but Watari is either foolish or just doesn't give a damn. My money's on the former. "I'll talk to him when the time is right," I repeat, my tone closing the matter for discussion. 
> 
> Watari smiles at me, a slow curl of his lips. "I'll be watching you," he drawls, winking at me before flouncing towards the door. "After all, I wouldn't want to lose our wager, eh?" 
> 
> I stare after him, silent. Sometimes, I don't know whether I want to strangle him or just… grab him. 
> 
> Why can't things ever run smoothly in this office? 
> 
> My chance comes when Kurosaki-kun returns to the office to research something involving their case with the Gushoshin, while Tsuzuki stays in Nagasaki and investigates the remainder of their leads. 
> 
> He automatically stiffens when I pause in the library doorway, before slowly turning to face me, his expression smoothing to neutral, empty lines, his emerald gaze unconsciously hostile. Ever since he's begun to pick up on my subconscious jealousy, things have been… uneasy between us. I know well that it's my own fault. Kurosaki-kun has done nothing to deserve this. 
> 
> "Tatsumi-san," he says politely, at last. 
> 
> "Kurosaki-kun," I reply, keeping things formal as well. "How is the case progressing?" 
> 
> Kurosaki-kun shrugs, obviously unwilling to tell me any details so soon into the investigation. "We have a few suspects, one that looks particularly suspicious. And… the subject of necromancy seems to be coming up again and again, so the Gushoshin are helping me to research it." 
> 
> I frown thoughtfully. Could the murderer be a necromancer? It seems likely – it would explain everything about the souls. But… necromancy is dark magic, forbidden magic that interferes with the natural scheme of things. It was also dangerously ironic considering what Muraki had done in Nagasaki the last time they were there. 
> 
> "It's early yet," Kurosaki-kun says bluntly, looking up briefly from his book. "It's only one idea out of many." He seems unconcerned, but I know him well by now – I can see the anger and frustration lurking deep in his eyes. 
> 
> I pause for several moments before bringing the conversation back to a potentially safer subject – Tsuzuki. "How is Tsuzuki?" I ask quietly. 
> 
> His gaze flickers towards me for a moment, but otherwise he refuses to look up from his book again. "As well as can be expected," he says shortly. "Takes the victims' pain as his own; charms his way around while looking for clues; eats his way through every restaurant in Nagasaki. As normal. But he gets tired more easily than he'll admit and the nightmares haven't stopped." 
> 
> The last sentence, spoken in a cool, indifferent tone, speaks volumes in everything that isn't said. I stare at this boy-adult, forever trapped in a sixteen-year-old body, and wonder how he got it so right and I got it so very wrong. 
> 
> "I – I am glad that you're there for him," I blurt out before I can help myself, fighting to remain stoic as Kurosaki-kun whips his head up to stare at me, his gaze calm yet piercing. 
> 
> A ghost of a smile passes over his face as his cold demeanour relaxes slightly. "I will be there for Tsuzuki as much as he will allow me to be," he says gently. 
> 
> I resist the urge to laugh. Oh, he _does_ know Tsuzuki well, though that shouldn't be any surprise to me. "I'm glad," I say soberly, wishing that I could just get over this inane jealousy and be done with it. This is ridiculous, particularly for a man my age. 
> 
> Kurosaki-kun smiles at me hesitantly, the most cordial action that he's shown me in weeks. I can't blame him, really, since I've been just as bad. I remember Watari's reminder and sigh, wondering if there's any subtle way to do this. No… there probably isn't. Oh, well. Improvisation was always one of my hidden talents. 
> 
> "Tsuzuki cares about you very much," I begin, trailing my fingers across the back of the nearest chair before hesitantly sitting down opposite him. He gazes at me with a raised eyebrow, patiently waiting for me to continue. "He… he has cared about you for a long time." 
> 
> An expression of dawning comprehension blossoms on Kurosaki-kun's face, swiftly followed by a flash of stubborn fear. "I'm afraid you may be mistaken, Tatsumi-san," he says carefully. "While I know that Tsuzuki cares about me, I don't think it's the way that you think it is." 
> 
> I smile at him. Ah, teenage angst and denial at its finest. "I feat that I'm not imagining it, Kurosaki-kun," I tell him gently. "I _do_ know that Tsuzuki cares for you as you care for him." 
> 
> Kurosaki-kun's expression now resembles the look a deer has when it's caught in oncoming headlights – trapped and helpless. "Are – no – how can you be so sure?" he asks desperately, his aloof composure now abruptly crumbling at such a revelation. 
> 
> I smile at him again, making it as reassuring as possible. "I'm sure because I know," I say. "The question is… are you?" 
> 
> He nods immediately, then falters. "I – I don't think I can make the first – I don't think I can tell him how I feel," he says softly, absently scratching at one of the top corners of his book. 
> 
> I again resist the urge to laugh. "As far as I know, Tsuzuki is determined to make the first move." _Thanks in part to Watari,_ I add silently. 
> 
> Kurosaki-kun blinks repeatedly, staring at me blankly. "Really?" he asks, looking like he expects a pig to fly by the windows at any moment. 
> 
> I nod, and for the briefest second a real, genuine smile lights up his face. It makes him beautiful. 
> 
> Then I watch automatic suspicion crash down. "Why are you telling me this?" he demands, and I know that he's remembering all the jealous glances and envious looks, the sad and knowing smiles that I've shown in the past few weeks, ever since Kyoto and all that happened there. 
> 
> I smile again, a sad smile, full of regret and all that I've lost throughout the years, and say, "I'm telling you this because I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did." And _that_ is the reason why I agreed to help Watari in his hare-brained matchmaking schemes. 
> 
> _'Tsuzuki's happiness is my happiness,'_ I told him once, when we were younger and yet still the same age. 
> 
> It's about time that I acted like I meant it, ne? 
> 
> **
> 
> – End _Logical Conclusion_ –
> 
> **


	5. Cold Rage

> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **   
**_A Yami no Matsuei fanfic_**
> 
> **Author:** Ria   
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she's so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.   
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari   
**Warnings:** angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai, faint hints of rape and NC   
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…   
**Timeline:** A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!   
**Author's Notes:** So, we're back to Tsuzuki! We learn more about the case, as well as get some disturbing insight into the person behind them! Please pay attention to the warnings for this chapter! g Enjoy! Lyrics are from "Take my Hand" by Dido, and aren't mine.
> 
> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **  
**
> 
> Cold Rage
> 
> **
> 
> _Touch my skin and tell me what you're thinking   
Take my hand and show me where we're going   
Lie down next to me, look into my eyes   
And tell me, oh, tell me what you're seeing_
> 
> I find myself unable to stop looking at him out of the corner of my eye, and I think he knows why. But he doesn't seem to mind. 
> 
> Being back at Nagasaki was difficult, at first, but at the same time it wasn't. I joked at how much things had changed between is since the last time we were here and Hisoka eventually smiled, though he didn't seem to find it all that funny. To be honest, neither did I. 
> 
> But Muraki seems to lurk in every shadow, behind every unfamiliar face, and the threat of necromancy hangs darkly in the air. Every clue that we've found seems to link to someone tampering with life, death and redemption, and to be quite frank, it's hitting far too close to home. 
> 
> I absently rub the strap of my watch, refusing to look down at it. I wanted to die again and again and again, but couldn't. Would having my spirit trapped in my dead body be any different? 
> 
> But in the end, I _did_ die, after all. 
> 
> "Oi, baka!" A hand waving in front of my face brings me back to reality. I blink and finally register Hisoka standing in front of me, a patiently disgruntled expression on his face as he waits for me to notice him. "Ah!" I say. "I'm sorry! " 
> 
> He shakes his head. "Never mind, but you _are_ planning on having breakfast this morning, hai? Then, come on!" He turns and starts walking to the door. I blink, staring after him, before snapping out of it and running to catch up. Eh… where was my usual slap for not paying attention? 
> 
> The hotel we're staying at is huge. Well, not really, but it is when compared to the places we usually stay in. It must have killed Tatsumi for the second time to spend this much extra money, but I don't see why he spent it in the first place. When I mentioned this to Hisoka, he looked at me in disbelief and muttered something under his breath that he wouldn't repeat. I think I'm a bit out of the loop. 
> 
> Some of the other guests recognise us when we come down; a group of teenage girls eye us slyly, their gazes appraising. Hisoka blushes; I merely smile at them. Then a guy in his early twenties gives me a similar look; I blanch, as Hisoka sniggers. 
> 
> Hisoka has a plain, normal breakfast, watching in morbid fascination as I eat my way through something that probably shouldn't be eaten until well after midday. But he seems amused by my simple contentment and that makes me smile, too. 
> 
> Afterwards, we decide to wander through Nagasaki – we quickly learned that our necromancer does nothing during the day… no murders, so soul bindings, nothing. So we use the day to sightsee or, in Hisoka's case, review what we already know about the case and try to find out more. 
> 
> We eventually decide to buy the souvenir-gifts that everyone has asked us for back in the office (you'd think that they'd be happy with what we brought them the last time, but noooo…) and halfway through our shopping, I find what seems to be a little second-hand shop of everything and anything. Intrigued by the window display, I duck inside. 
> 
> The stock, though second-hand, is in remarkably good condition and I soon come across what could be the perfect gift for Hisoka: a small silk painting of a window in a background of light rain and mist. And considering Hisoka's fascination with the rain… 
> 
> "What are you looking at?" Hisoka asks as he comes up behind me, his tone curious despite the automatic irritated tone. 
> 
> "This!" I tell him brightly, indicating the painting. "I'm buying it for you!" 
> 
> Hisoka blinks rapidly, before giving me a long stare. I normally would have started to wilt by now if I couldn't see the blatant astonishment in his eyes. If Hisoka was more open to showing emotion, his jaw would probably by on the floor. "Me?" he asks dumbly. 
> 
> I nod vigorously. "It's for your house," I explain. "You need to brighten it up more." Hell, he needs clutter, for that matter. Ever since that day where I had to take Hisoka home when he collapsed from the heat, I've made it my personal mission to help him embrace his afterlife and consider new interests. He can't think about only books all the time. Watari and I have been succeeding, but it's taking time and a lot of persuading on our part. 
> 
> Hisoka glares at me, a blush spreading across his cheeks. "Baka! You don't have to buy me anything. Remember, I have firsthand experience of how you live from paycheque to paycheque." But a small smile curls across his lips and I can tell that he's secretly pleased. I beam and pick up the painting, turning to find where I pay. My gaze falls on something that makes my blood go cold. 
> 
> I decide not to say anything when I realise that Hisoka hasn't seen the antique doll. But even as I go up to pay, I'm unable to take my gaze off the dusty, ash-blond hair on the doll, or the vibrant green eyes that almost seem to glare at me with contempt. 
> 
> I can see Muraki in my mind's eye, cold, distant and warped in his insanity. His deep, manic laugh echoes in my memory and I shudder. He'd _love_ to get his hands on a doll like that – it'd appeal to his terrible sense of humour. 
> 
> I turn away, slowly and deliberately. 
> 
> My mood brightens when we go back outside, our shopping now complete. Struck by a brainwave (if I do say so myself), I suggest dropping everything back at the hotel and spending the rest of our afternoon in the park, before getting something to eat and starting the investigation again. Hisoka gives me a hard stare and I add that he can even read if he wants. 
> 
> I can't stop myself from grinning in a probably ridiculous smile when he reluctantly agrees. 
> 
> The park's small, but it' such a beautiful day that the place is thronged. Seeing Hisoka's face contort in horror, I take his arm and lead him to wilder, less-welcoming part. Even though it's not cared for as immaculately as the rest of the park, the trees are still spaced apart far enough that plenty of sunlight trickles through for Hisoka to read without difficulty. 
> 
> He settles down with a contented sigh, immediately pulling out a book on Japanese necromancy and sticking his nose in it. Yup, that's Hisoka all right – unable to ever completely take his mind off the job. I settle down beside him, pausing for a moment before putting my head on his lap. He tenses for a moment – probably thinking, _What on earth is he_ doing_?_ – but gradually relaxes, going back to his book. Satisfied, I close my eyes and proceed to relax for the first time in days. 
> 
> Silence with us is something to be treasured. With others, friendship might have to always include constant conversation, but our silence speaks volumes. We can sit and say absolutely nothing for over an hour, and it doesn't matter. Hisoka says that my being silent for more than five minutes when I'm not brooding is a sign that I'm finally acting somewhere closer to my age. Besides, it means that he gets more time to read, so he's not complaining. 
> 
> As time trickles by, Hisoka hesitantly starts to trickle his fingers through my hair, pausing every few moments as if waiting for me to do or say something that will ruin the mood and give him an excuse to take his hand away. But I stay silent (hey, who says that I don't have _any_ common sense?), breathing slowly and luxuriating in the sensation of him petting my hair, and he slowly starts again. 
> 
> Eventually, I find the energy to open my eyes a little so I can look up at him. His expression is serene, one that I've seen on his face a lot more lately, as he reads his book, his hand threading rhythmically through my hair. The sunlight coming down through the leaves makes his hair shine brighter than normal, falling in a dappled pattern on his face and clothes. As I look up at him, the sunlight seems to temporarily hide the shadows and regrets in his eyes, revealing the boy and young man he could have been if life hadn't thrown him such a terrible hand. 
> 
> On the other hand, if his life hadn't turned out like it did, he never would have met me, so excuse me if I don't have his best interests at heart when it comes to that past chapter of his life. Hey, we're all a little selfish when it comes to those we love. 
> 
> _'Live for me,'_ he said in the black flames, the sudden flash of light in the darkness of my despair. _'I want you to live for me!'_
> 
> We're all a little selfish when it comes to those we love. 
> 
> I suddenly need to speak, to tell him a little of what I feel for him, just enough that it won't scare him, nothing more. "Ne, Hisoka…?" 
> 
> "Mmmm?" His voice is drowsy and relaxed; he's not perturbed by my quiet interruption to the silence in the slightest. 
> 
> "Can I ask you something?" My breath catches in my throat as he gently curls a strand of my hair around his finger. I'm filled with the need to hug him – to touch him – to hold him. I want to breathe in the scent of his skin and press him against me, to hear his heartbeat with my own, even though they shouldn't beat at all. 
> 
> But I don't. I know better. 
> 
> "Hai," he says, but his tone has a slight edge to it, now. Damn, he must have picked up on something that leaked through my shields. Okay. Damage control, Tsuzuki, you can do it! But he doesn't seem as cautious or wary as he normally is when something he doesn't like leaks through the shields. Hey, maybe all hope isn't lost, after all! 
> 
> "If there was something… important you wanted to tell someone – hypothetically, of course," I add quickly, "but you weren't sure how they'd react… would you still tell them?" I've probably given myself away by tacking on the hypothetically speaking part – Hisoka's no fool, after all – but I can't being myself to care, at this point. 
> 
> He gives me a measuring look, his eyes calculating, but his voice is at its usual tone when he speaks. "How important do you consider what you have to tell this person to be?" 
> 
> "Very important!" I reply. Well, I _do_ consider my feelings to be very important. 
> 
> "I'd tell him, then. If you put what you have to say the right way, this person's reaction should be fine," Hisoka says. His expression and tone seem to be expectant, like he's waiting for me to tell him something. I sigh mentally. Of course he knows how I feel about him – _everyone_ knows how I feel about him! But… I can't tell him now… I can't… 
> 
> The moment passes and his eyes darken, the semi-hopeful expression in them dying. Panic suddenly floods through me as my chest tightens. I can't let things end like this! 
> 
> My hand reaches us before I even realise that I've moved it, my fingertips hovering over the smooth skin of his cheek. Shaving for Hisoka is something to be done because he sometimes can, not the necessity that it is for the rest of us. I tell him he should be grateful, but he doesn't really believe me. He regrets never having the chance to enter adulthood; me, I consider the whole responsible adult façade to be somewhat overrated. It's something we agree to disagree on. 
> 
> He stares at me with wide eyes as I gently stroke his cheek, before he slowly reaches up and cups his hand over mine. I hold his gaze, a smile flickering over my lips that he hesitantly returns. He closes his eyes and pulls my hand down to his mouth so he can place a kiss on my palm. 
> 
> It's my turn to stare at him with wide eyes as he slowly opens his and smiles at me. My hand's gone limp by now, but he's still holding it. I don't know what sort of emotions he's getting from me, since I can't even understand them myself. 
> 
> I don't realise that I've grabbed him and rolled until he's crushed beneath me. I don't want to kiss him, even if he'd let me; I just want to hold him. My face is pressed against his neck as I hold him to me. He smells like lavender and jasmine – the soap from the hotel – and I breathe it in eagerly. 
> 
> This is… this is what I want. Just him. 
> 
> Hisoka's tense at first, mostly just from shock and the sudden contact, but now that he knows that I'm not going to do anything… uncouth towards him, he's relaxing against me. But that doesn't stop him from growling, "You could have given me some warning, baka!" 
> 
> I merely laugh, settling myself against him more firmly, and he goes silent again, reaching up to run his hand up and down my upper arm. I project happy, happy emotions like I'll die if I don't. 
> 
> Time seems to lose all meaning; I have no idea how long we've been like this. It could be hours or minutes for all I know. It finally hits me that I should probably reverse our positions in case I'm hurting Hisoka. I sit up and lean back against the tree trunk, pulling him onto my lap. He utters an indignant yelp, checking to make sure that his book is all right, before leaning against me again. I close my eyes, letting my mind wander… 
> 
> And then it all falls apart. 
> 
> I realise something's wrong when Hisoka tenses, and not in the way his shoulders set when he's confronted with intimate contact that he's not comfortable with. I open my eyes and stare down at him. His eyes are open and his brow is furrowed, like he's concentrating while trying to find something. Uh… what's going on? 
> 
> Then I sense something myself – not the way that Hisoka can, but there's a cold stirring in the air that has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with conflict. To state the obvious, something's wrong. 
> 
> "Eh, Hisoka, what's wrong – Hisoka!" 
> 
> He's up and running at full speed before I've blinked, and I scoop his book and jam it into the inside pocket of my coat before jumping up and running after him. We dash through the park and out into the streets. I lose track of where we are as we run, intent only on keeping track of Hisoka and, oh _damn_, evening's fallen without us realising it… 
> 
> Hisoka turns a corner so fast that he nearly falls, before skidding to a stop so suddenly that I nearly run into him. I pant, trying to collect myself, then freeze as I take in what's happening before us. 
> 
> A girl – high school if her uniform's a clue – is lying on the ground, cradled by a man with dark, shining hair that's tied back in a long ponytail. His head is bent down towards her, his lips almost touching hers. I frown, trying to figure out why he's thrown across her in that odd way – _oh_. The man's wearing a long dark robe with an outer layer that billows around him, so I can't be sure, but the girl's skirt seems to be bunched up around her waist and her legs are spread in such a way that he can only be, uh, _inside_ her. My face feels like it's on fire. 
> 
> As embarrassing as this is, it's made even worse by the fact that the girl is desperately screaming and is clearly not enjoying this one whit. 
> 
> The man freezes and stiffens, slowly turning his head to look at us. His eyes are grey and cold. Dead. They remind me forcibly of Muraki's. Bile rises in my throat, as the girl's screams tone down to whimpers. 
> 
> I risk a glance at Hisoka and barely resist the urge to gulp. Hisoka's turned white with rage, his eyes narrowed to emerald slits as his hands curl into trembling fists. He looks dangerously close to snapping, and I can't blame him. He's probably remembering everything that he wants to forget right now – hell, even I'm having trouble trying to keep my mind blank. This is our weakness, one that's going to keep letting us down again and again until… I don't know. 
> 
> The man gets up off her roughly – the girl lets out a pain-filled cry before going back to whimpering; she curls into a foetal position as he calmly resettles his robes, indifferent to her. Anger suddenly blooms inside me. From the stink of dark, corrupted magic in the air, I think we've just found our necromancer murderer. 
> 
> He glances at us, unconcerned. He raises an eyebrow, a slight smile curling his lips. "Found me, then, obviously," he remarks. I realise that he probably knows exactly what we are, if he really is a necromancer. 
> 
> Hisoka's grinding his teeth, the faintest shred of common sense keeping him from lunging at the bastard. That, and the fact that Tatsumi all but bribed us to use caution when we found this man, though I think that was directed at me more than Hisoka. Normally, we can take a lot of damage, but this man deals in life and death – he could do anything to us. 
> 
> "Kurosaki Hisoka, I presume?" the man asks, glancing at him. Hisoka just glares. "And Tsuzuki Asato," he continues, his cold eyes flickering towards me. "Hmph. He was right, after all." I blanch; this amuses him. 
> 
> Then he – disappears in a swirl of his robes. He's gone before we can blink or move, and we're suddenly surrounded by unnatural silence that broken only by the girl's whimpering. 
> 
> I automatically turn towards her, as does Hisoka, and the expression in his eyes frightens me. His eyes have turned cold, cold, cold, and empty of everything but one emotion – rage. His eyes are filled with an icy rage that has nothing to do with logic and everything to do with a blood-red moon, falling Sakura, and a burning curse that still lingers below his skin. 
> 
> **
> 
> – End _Cold Rage_ –
> 
> **


	6. Repaying the Debt

> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **   
**_A Yami no Matsuei fanfic_**
> 
> **Author:** Ria   
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she's so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.   
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari   
**Warnings:** angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai   
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…   
**Timeline:** A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!   
**Author's Notes:** The first scene of this chapter was difficult to write for many reasons, so I hope you all don't dislike it too much! This chapter was also much longer in the original, but I had to cut a scene out at the end as it was becoming too long and interrupting the whole flow of the fic. So I have to do the entire scene from Watari's POV next chapter. Joy... argh. I quite like the end of this chapter, just because I'm morbid like that, I suppose. We're rapidly approaching the end of this fic, whether that's a good or bad thing... Enjoy the chapter! Lyrics are from "Paint It Black" by U2, and aren't mine. 
> 
> **
> 
> Double Faced Mask
> 
> **  
**
> 
> Repaying the Debt
> 
> **
> 
> _No more will my green sea   
Go turn a deeper blue   
I could not foresee   
This thing happening to you   
If I look hard enough   
Into the setting sun   
My love will laugh with me   
Before the morning comes _
> 
> I want to destroy something. I want to close my eyes and scream until I lose my voice. I want to turn blind so that I don't have to keep seeing what my mind is showing me. Visions of falling Sakura dance before my eyes and I start to shiver, as icy rage curls up from my stomach. 
> 
> _No let me go I don't want this LET ME GO!_
> 
> I barely resist the urge to wrap my arms around myself as I feel phantom hands ghost over my body. Warm breath curls around my neck. 
> 
> _'My doll… my puppet.'_
> 
> It's suddenly so cold. Why is it so cold? The shivering won't stop! Why won't it _stop_? A whimper trembles from my throat as a light kiss brushes across my neck. 
> 
> _No no no it hurts let me go don't do this please please please!_
> 
> Sakura petals fall lightly against my skin, soft kisses full of deadly calm. I can't stop the tears from trickling down my face as _his_ lips press against mine. 
> 
> "Hisoka! Hisoka!" 
> 
> Tsuzuki's arms envelop me, jerking me back to reality. I breathe in the scent of cinnamon that surrounds him as he presses me to him. "Tsuzuki," I whisper, realising the wetness on my cheeks is tears. "Tsuzuki…?" 
> 
> He smiles at me, his violet eyes gentle, before what little composure I still have crumbles and I collapse in his arms, weeping. He holds me, murmuring soft nonsense as he rocks me. I cling to him like he's the last remaining anchor in my world and I can't find it in me to feel ashamed. Even as I cry, I can still feel Muraki's hands on me, caressing me malevolently. The shivering still won't stop, but at least the tears gradually do. At last, I'm able to take in shaky, deep breaths, grimacing at the raw, pinched feeling to my face. 
> 
> "Feeling better?" Tsuzuki asks as he rubs soothing circles on my back. 
> 
> I nod, silently taking the box of tissues he offers me, reddening in embarrassment at falling apart when I definitely shouldn't be right now. For me, crying is a great weakness, a moment of extreme vulnerability. Tsuzuki is the only one that I'll allow to see me cry. "Thank you," I murmur awkwardly. 
> 
> He smiles at me, rubbing one of my cheeks gently. "I told you, I'll always be here for you when you need me," he says quietly, before going to the other room to give me a few moments to compose myself. 
> 
> I've been expecting this to happen ever since we found the necromancer raping the girl. As I watched, unable to tear my eyes away, memories of agonising pain and abuse mingling with the gentle drift of Sakura. At that moment, I would have gladly destroyed the necromancer if common sense (and Tsuzuki) hadn't stopped me. I'd felt Tsuzuki at my back, horrified and disgusted by what he was seeing, but also worried and concerned about me. Not to mention, worrying frantically about what to do if I lost my composure and lunged at the bastard. 
> 
> The girl had thrown herself at me first, possibly because she considered me safer since I was around the same age as her. I'd frozen, still controlled by my rage and memories, unable to help her as she clung to me and sobbed. Her anguish, her pain, her self-disgust – they hammered at me to the point where I felt sick, but I wasn't heartless enough to push her away. In the end, Tsuzuki managed to coax her to let me go and held her until she stopped crying. 
> 
> And then the screaming started, when she realised that Tsuzuki was a man and thus a danger. I think it broke something in him to have someone look at him in such terror and _scream_. 
> 
> We managed to calm her down and took her back to our hotel, but we were at a loss as to what we were supposed to do then. Neither of us were doctors, so we contacted the one person we knew to be the nearest to a doctor that we had. 
> 
> Watari knocks on the door before coming in – Tsuzuki's probably decided I've had enough time to compose myself – his expression grim. "Well?" I ask, glancing at him, "How is she?" 
> 
> He looks at me, but doesn't say anything about my appearance. "Her name's Nakano Rika," he tells me, faint disapproval in his voice that we saved the girl and didn't even ask her what her _name_ is. Hey, neither did Tsuzuki, so why should I be the one who's given the guilt trip? 
> 
> "Okay, so how is Nakano-san?" I ask mildly, doing a wonderful job (if I do say so myself) of hiding the irritation in my voice. 
> 
> "As well as can be expected, really." Watari fiddles with his glasses as he speaks. "Physically, she'll be all right – only a few cuts and bruising, nothing too bad." He winces at his blasé phrasing, but continues on. "I've given her the Morning After Pill, too, just in case. But mentally…" He trails off, shuffling his notes and looking at them like they're the most fascinating things in the world. 
> 
> "Mentally, she's destroyed," I say bluntly, closing my eyes and folding my arms. I can't help but think that if I hadn't panicked and ran instead of flying, I could have reached them faster and stopped the rape sooner, if not before it even began. But there's no point dwelling in 'what ifs', as I well know. 
> 
> Watari nods. "Hai," he agrees quietly, visibly uncomfortable. "One moment, she's clinging to Tsuzuki and crying her eyes out; the next, she's scrambling away from him like he's the devil. But…" 
> 
> I take no notice of what he says first – after my own rape, I both wanted and despised touch myself. Comfort didn't concern me, since I received none. "But?" I prompt at last, when Watari still hasn't said anything more in the next few seconds. 
> 
> He presses his lips into a thin line, clearly reluctant to tell me whatever else it is that he knows. "You better come out and listen to what Nakano-san is telling us," he says finally. "You won't like it, I'm afraid." 
> 
> I frown and follow Watari back into the main room. I listen to what Nakano Rika has to say – and I definitely don't like it. In fact, when she's finished speaking, I can barely resist the urge to yell at her until she starts crying again. 
> 
> "How could she be so _stupid_?" I rage at Tsuzuki later, when I'm sitting on my bed and Watari's left, taking the idiot girl home. "How – how _typical_!" 
> 
> Tsuzuki sighs. "I know, but to be fair, she didn't know that things would turn out like this," he says slowly, though I can sense that he's struggling to convince even himself. He can't understand how she could be so foolish, either. 
> 
> Nakano Rika had met the necromancer one night while out walking her dog, and against all logic and common sense had replied when he'd started talking to her. She eventually told him that her boyfriend had died recently, but had been cheating on her when the car had hit him. Nakano Rika smiled, laughed, and put on a happy face when facing the world, but inside, she was grieving and furious that the boy she still loved so much had treated her so badly. 
> 
> So she was more than eager when the necromancer remarked that he had a way of solving all her problems. 
> 
> "The method of necromancy she tried to do is very old," Tsuzuki remarks thoughtfully. "Putting a hundred rushlights into an andon and reciting an incantation of a hundred lines, extinguishing a rushlight at the end of each line, was something normally used by girls who'd lost their lovers by death. It used to mess up things for us badly whenever it actually worked… which wasn't often, but anyway…" 
> 
> "Of course it wouldn't have worked for her!" I snap irritably. "It's a form of 'white' necromancy, and Nakano-san's intentions were anything but good! She wanted to resurrect her boyfriend to make life miserable for him! I read about it in my book." I blink, suddenly realising that I have absolutely no idea where said book actually is. Damn, had I left it back at the park? 
> 
> "Oh!" Tsuzuki sits up and reaches into his coat, pulling out my book and holding it out to me. "You left it behind after you when you sensed the necromancer's power, so I figured I'd better bring it." He beams at me, pleased with himself in a rather endearingly modest way. 
> 
> I blink at him, finally accepting the book back, touched. Not many would have thought to keep it themselves. With Tsuzuki's rather childish attitude and overall laziness, it's very easy to forget that he has a sharp mind underneath all the perpetual silliness. But it's times like these that he tends to prove us all wrong. "Thank you," I say at last, smiling at him slightly. My words may be inadequate, but my smile hopefully isn't. 
> 
> "But Nakano-san was still a fool," I mutter rebelliously, unable to let go f that particular topic. 
> 
> Tsuzuki sighs heavily. "Agreed," he admits. 
> 
> Nakano-san's attempts at necromancy had, of course, failed miserably and after she had confronted the necromancer about this, he had taken what he wanted from her, just before we had found them. 
> 
> Even though everyone else felt sorry for her, I couldn't help but despise her for her foolish actions, even though I knew it was unfair to do so. The way I hated her for being so irresponsible and getting raped for her foolishness would be like hating myself for going outside that night and seeing Muraki under the Sakura tree. It was irrational, illogical, but still understandable from my point of view. 
> 
> Tsuzuki sighs again, scratching his head and looking extremely worried. "Ne, what are we going to do? This necromancer is smart enough that he won't fall for any traps we set." 
> 
> My jaw tightens as I think. "He's not smart enough," I whisper, remembering the way his eyes had flickered over me. I remember feeling repulsed at the brief lust-light that had lit up in their cold depths as he did so. "Everyone has a weakness," I murmur quietly, my knuckles whitening as I clench my hands into trembling fists. "I know what to do." 
> 
> Tsuzuki looks at me, resigned sadness in his eyes; I can feel it radiate off him in trembling waves. He doesn't say anything, but then, there is nothing he can say. 
> 
> I stand in the empty car park, my hands stuffed in the pockets of my jeans, waiting patiently. The night is silent, save for the normal sounds of the city and the whisper of the wind. I stare up at the sky without really seeing it, simply waiting. 
> 
> Then I feel him at the edge of my senses, his dark, corrupt presence making my skin crawl, just as it did when I felt him in the park and it frightened me into a panicked rescue mission. But I refuse to let any indication of my distress show on my face or in my body language; my shields are as tight as I can make them. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he repulses me. 
> 
> "How were you so certain that I would come?" he asks quietly, his voice silky smooth and just as dangerous as he comes up towards me from behind. 
> 
> "I knew you would come," I say, still facing away from him. To be honest, I hadn't been that sure, but I'd been mostly certain that he'd come after sensing me on my own – or so he thought. Tsuzuki had reluctantly agreed, though I knew it had caused him great pain to do so. 
> 
> "Who told you about us?" I ask. 
> 
> "Does it matter?" he asks slowly, still coming closer. "What does matter is that he was right – toy and Tsuzuki-san are both beautiful, both perfect." 
> 
> _Lecherous fool,_ I think spitefully while managing to smile bitterly. If only he knew the truth about us. 
> 
> "Who told you?" is all I asks, automatically tensing as the necromancer stands right behind me. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. 
> 
> A low chuckle; breath ruffles the hairs on my neck. "It doesn't matter," he repeats. 
> 
> "I'm afraid it does," I murmur, taking a step forward. He follows me, also taking that same step. My tension levels shoot up to dangerous heights, but my voice is level and calm as I ask, "What else did he tell you about us?" 
> 
> He laughs – the sound is probably meant to be seductive. It fails miserably. "Inquisitive, aren't you?" 
> 
> "It's my job." The air is suddenly thick and clammy, like it was just before I sensed him a few nights ago, the hint that told even Tsuzuki that something was very, very wrong. My stomach churns with nausea, as a headache begins to throb behind my left eye. 
> 
> "You're so beautiful, so delicate…" The necromancer's voice crawls through my head like slime, making me shudder with disgust, though he probably thinks it's from something else entirely. The headache is starting to spread across my forehead. 
> 
> "Unfortunately," I snarl, anger beginning to tighten my muscles, "I can't say the same for _you_." 
> 
> It's the wrong thing to say, for he suddenly grabs my arms and whirls me around painfully. His emotions slam into me repeatedly and I bite my lip so as not to scream. His lust-hunger, his evil, his corruptness… it taints my mind and empathy, making me scream mentally over and over again. This is disgusting, this is horrifying, this is what happened to all those victims whose souls we're trying to find and free. 
> 
> He grabs onto my other arm and jerks me towards him, his mouth hovering over mine. For one repulsive moment, I think he's going to kiss me, until I realise that this is something else entirely, as something begins to flow from my mouth to his – my life energy. 
> 
> This is what he was doing to Nakano Rika when we found them – this is what he did to all the other teenagers as well. And now I know exactly how painful their last moments were. 
> 
> It takes me several moments to realise that I'm screaming, the sound high-pitched and terrified as my vision begins to blacken at the edges. Pain roars through me as my life is taken from me by force, but what I'm experiencing is probably nothing compared to what the others felt – because I'm _dead_. 
> 
> You can't take life energy from someone who's already ceased to have it. 
> 
> All of us Shinigami have a certain amount of life energy because we're allowed to cross from Meifu to the world of the living and vice-versa, but it's nothing very substantial. Only, the necromancer must be either very stupid or just ill informed, if he thinks he's going to get anything more from me than he already has. If so, I think I've just found his other weakness – lack of knowledge. Already, I can feel my small store of life energy replenish itself, my shields rebuilding themselves. I can feel my face and body smoothing out again and relaxing. And finally – finally! – I can feel the necromancer begin to tense as he realises that something is most definitely not going to plan. 
> 
> "Your necromancy skills must be severely lacking if you think you're going to get anything substantial from me," I remark casually, my breathing slowing as the pain slowly ebbs away. My head, thankfully, no longer feels like it's going to explode, taking my sanity along with it. 
> 
> "What?" he whispers, staring at me with complete disbelief. 
> 
> I smile, and I know it's not pleasant. "You're either a really pathetic excuse for a necromancer or you were grossly misinformed as to what we really are," I tell him matter-of-factly. I lean in so our faces are merely centimetres apart, and whisper, "You can't steal life from someone who's already _dead_." 
> 
> He stumbles back because of the psychic blast I hurdle at him, filled with enough rage, enough pain and enough loathing that he even cries out, whether in pain or surprise I don't know and, to be frank, I don't care. The cry is enough... almost. 
> 
> Everything moves in slow motion, then. I find myself asking him who he is and why he did it, why he destroyed so many lives for no apparent reason. 
> 
> He smiles at me, a slow, sad smile with no regret in it, and tells me that his name is Ashida Kariudo. As to why he did it… 
> 
> "Haven't you ever wanted to control the line between life and death, to have the ability to blur it, even a little?" he asks me quietly, the sadness and bitterness in his cold eyes growing. "Don't lie to me: I know you have. Everyone has, at some point." 
> 
> I stare at him and I can feel me own eyes going cold and hard. "No, I never wanted that," I tell him quietly. "All I ever wanted in my life was death and even that took three years before it came to me." A bitter truth, but still an honest one. 
> 
> "Ah, yes," he murmurs. "He told me how he did that. I can see the appeal, myself." 
> 
> It takes several moments for his words to sink in, and then I stare at him, speechless. _He?_ That means… "You know Muraki?" I ask, ashamed of the hint of desperation that's growing in my voice. "How do you know him? Did he set you up for this?" 
> 
> He smiles at me again, and somehow it seems like he knows what's about to happen. "Does it matter?" he asks, and I want to strangle him. 
> 
> I'm about to say yes, when I hear Tsuzuki summon Suzaku as if from a distance, even though he's only a few feet away. The distance between the necromancer and me is just enough for me to be safe. I watch Suzaku's flames roar towards Ashida as if I'm watching it from far away, feeling strangely detached from it all. 
> 
> The necromancer is still smiling, even as he dies in Suzaku's flames. I watch him silently, hardly registering Tsuzuki's presence when he comes rushing up beside me, Watari at his heels. But when Tsuzuki's hand closes around mine, I manage to find enough energy to squeeze back and hold onto it like it's the last thing keeping me together. 
> 
> Perhaps Tsuzuki is the only one keeping me sane. Or perhaps it's the sense of justice I get at watching a corrupted man die a slow, painful death by burning, as all around us freed souls appear, surrounding us with feelings of relief and the satisfaction of a debt finally paid as the flames devour what is owed. 
> 
> **– End _Repaying the Debt_ –**
> 
> ****
> 
> **Additional Author's Note:** For anyone curious about the type of necromancy Nakano Rika did that Tsuzuki and Hisoka talked about, I found it all here: www[.]totse[.]com[/]en[/]religion[/]theoccult[/]necro2.html What I actually used is only a tiny paragraph, but I thought it'd be a neat thing to include. I've taken some liberities with it, but the idea's the same. :)


	7. Winner's Choice

**

Double Faced Mask

**  
**_A Yami no Matsuei fanfic_**

**Author:** Ria  
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because she's so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.  
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari  
**Warnings:** angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai  
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…  
**Timeline:** A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!  
**Author's Notes:** This took so long to write because I couldn't get the opening scene right! ; Oh well, persistence worked after all. :) We're back to our neurotic little scientist (I think I got his characterisation better this time, but it's probably just me who thinks that) who's back to the role of matchmaking... again. Enjoy! Lyrics are from "Living on the Ceiling" by Blancmange, and aren't mine. 

**Double Faced Mask**

  


**Winner's Choice  
**

_You keep me running round and round  
Well, that's all right with me  
Up and down, I'm up the wall  
I'm up the bloody tree  
That's all right with me  
Yeah, that's all right with me  
Well, it feels all right to me  
Yeah, it looks all right to me _

And I'm so tall, I'm so tall  
You raise me and then you let me fall  
And I'm so small, I'm so small  
Wrapped around your finger  
See me fall – here we go!  


Something happened between them in Nagasaki – of that I'm sure. I can see it in the way they look at each other and in the way their hands linger when they 'accidentally' brush against each other. I know it and the rest of the office knows it – the tension between them at work is so heavy that my hair practically stands on end. 

Their careful circling of each other has turned into a full-out waltz, full of the hesitant glances and touches of a budding romance that's almost there. I think it's quite cute, actually. Sometimes, when Tsuzuki says or does something that's not meant to be amusing but is, Bon's expression flickers and his eyes fill with something that could be longing, except that he also looks like he could bolt if he gets too close to his partner. The last of Bon's walls are rapidly crumbling, even though it's still normal to see him snap irritably at Tsuzuki whenever he annoys him, or hold his head in his hands when he finds Tsuzuki asleep at his desk _again_. 

Tsuzuki, for his part, is really, really trying, though he sometimes fails rather spectacularly (like when he accidentally shredded the reports that Bon had just finished in an attempt to keep things neat, not realising that Bon's desk was _off limits_). Bon's been quiet and reflective ever since he and Tsuzuki came back from their last case, and the only one who dared to take any notice of his brooding was Tsuzuki. He fusses over him, now, making sure that he's eating properly and attempts to cheer him up when Bon's misery becomes frighteningly apparent. But what's even stranger is that Bon doesn't always freeze up when Tsuzuki mothers him like this, instead accepting the fussing with only the faintest irritation. It seems that Tsuzuki's not the only one trying to be better. 

They _really_ need to get together. It's all becoming sort of pathetic at this point. 

So, as the current Shokan Division matchmaker, I'm here knocking at Tsuzuki's door, safe in the knowledge that Bon has gone home early for the night (he made Tsuzuki stay and finish his paperwork, with admirable threats of certain violence if he didn't, which Tsuzuki completely believed. Hell, anyone wishing for a longer afterlife would believe them). 

I open the door and poke my head around it when Tsuzuki calls out something that could probably be taken as 'come in'. "Yo, Tsuzuki!" 

Tsuzuki looks up and beams. "Watari, come in!" 

I glance at the pile of papers before him as I sit down, grinning. "Paperwork?" 

Tsuzuki visibly wilts, glaring at the offending sheets. "Hisoka's being mean," he whines, looking dejected. "I don't know how to get through to him, sometimes…" 

"So," I begin, settling in for a deep and meaningful discussion. "I presume you and Bon finally got together, hai?" 

Tsuzuki stares at me and blinks slowly. "Why would you think that?" 

It's my turn to stare at him. For a moment, I think he's just deliberately baiting me, until I realise that he being genuinely serious. I gape at him. "Tsuzuki!" I exclaim. "Do you even realise how you and Bon act around each other?" 

His blank look almost fools me, but his sudden blush gives away his true feelings. 

I huff, crossing my arms and giving him a stern look. Tsuzuki becomes downcast; if he were the puppy he so often reminds me of, his ears would be drooping by now. "Okay, what happened between you two in Nagasaki?" 

"Nothing, really," Tsuzuki begins, fidgeting. I intensify my stern look and he crumbles, explaining what happened when they were in the park. 

At the end, I'm almost starry-eyed and thinking about how lucky Bon is. Tatsumi would _never_ do stuff like that without extreme prodding and the possibility of bribery. But it's still not enough. 

"So you didn't tell him how you feel?" I ask at last, rubbing my temples as a headache brews. 

"Well... not exactly," he admits, absently doodling on his paperwork. "But he _knows_, Watari; you should have seen the expression on his face when I almost told him!" 

"But you _didn't_ tell him, Tsuzuki," I tell him as gently as possible, not wanting to disappoint him. "Bon's the kind of person who needs to be told things; he feels emotions too much and too easily." 

Tsuzuki frowns, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "I never thought about it like that," he murmurs. 

"Well, that's what I'm here for!" I say brightly, and he smiles. "So, are you going to tell him how you feel? What about that fate you wanted to go on?" 

Tsuzuki's expression is rapidly becoming alarmed. "Hold on, Watari, you're moving too fast!" 

I raise an eyebrow, giving him a long stare. "Tsuzuki, we're all _dead_. If I moved any slower, you and Hisoka wouldn't get together for another twenty years!" 

Tsuzuki becomes even more worried. "I don't think I can do it, Watari," he whispers. 

"You said yourself that he knows how you feel about him," I remind him. "He feels the same way, Tsuzuki, but he can't make the first move. He's waiting for you." 

"How… I don't even know where to begin telling him," Tsuzuki stammers, beginning to wring his hands anxiously. The nervous action is enough to even unsettle me, coming from such a person as him. 

I wrack my brains, wondering yet again how I ended up giving Tsuzuki romantic advice – my own track record is hardly anything to boast about. After several minutes, I finally say, "Start with something small and use that to work yourself up to telling him. Give Bon something that he'd never, _ever_ expect to get and see what happens." 

"Like what?" Tsuzuki asks, but his eyes have lit up at the challenge. 

"That's up to you." I stand up. "Finish your paperwork," I tell him with a grin. "The sooner you get out of here, the sooner you can start thinking." 

He rolls his eyes and pouts, but the anticipation and excitement in his eyes still has them alight. 

* * *

Days pass and nothing happens. At first, I begin to plan my next 'chat' with Tsuzuki in earnest, until I realise that he's completely occupied in his thoughts – he's not even annoying Bon as much as usual, which is, of course, making the younger shinigami suspicious as hell. 

Tatsumi suspects that I had a part in Tsuzuki's sudden change, but I'm playing the innocent fool. But his last comment, calling me a 'lecherous matchmaker', came mighty close to hurting my feelings. It would have, too, if I hadn't seen the faint amusement in his eyes as he spoke. 

Bon, for his part, is no fool. He knows that something is up with his partner, but he respects Tsuzuki enough not to ask – as long as it doesn't end up with Tsuzuki sinking into another depression, in which case Tsuzuki's privacy will be thrown out the window. But Bon stays alert and watches him – and looks for all the wrong signs. 

I'm so intent on watching Tsuzuki behave so strangely that I forget he's planning something. So on the day he finally acts, I'm as surprised as the others, as if I never knew that he was planning something. 

It starts off just like any other day – I have to run home to change after falling asleep on my notes again. I come back just in time; Tatsumi's able to give me only the faintest disapproving glance. 

But Tsuzuki still isn't in yet. 

A groggy Bon merely shrugs and snaps that he certainly has no idea why Tsuzuki is so late, before returning to his tea. I watch him with my arms crossed, a frown marring my face as a sudden inkling begins to form in my mind, just as the door opens. 

We all gape, astonished, as Tsuzuki sweeps in and strides over to Bon, who's stirring his tea and still trying to wake up, and presents a bouquet of lilies to him with a flourish. "These are for you," he announces, so sincere that I can't help but reflect on how lucky Bon is. 

Blushing so hard that his face appears to be on fire, Bon accepts the lilies with a grumbled, "Baka, what in Enma's name are these for?" But his voice holds none of its usual bite. 

Tsuzuki merely smiles at him, explaining, "It's because you _deserve_ them." His smile widens to a grin as Bon's blush worsens. 

"Thank you," Bon mumbles at last, ducking his head as his blush continues to worsen, and Tsuzuki's face lights up. 

I happen to glance over just in time to see Tatsumi witnessing the exchange. Something indecipherable passes over his face, but I'm more interested in the sad, accepting flicker in his eyes, tinged with a guarded edge. Then he turns and starts to walk away. 

On a sudden impulse, I go after him, reaching him just as he stops at his door. "Tatsumi!" I call, trotting up to him. 

He pauses, turning to regard me with a raised eyebrow. "If you wish to apply for extra lab funding, the answer is no," he says mildly. 

"No, no!" I reply hastily, shaking my head as I stop before him, brushing my hair out of my eyes and adjusting my glasses. "Well, I wouldn't mind applying," I explain quickly after a moment's thought, "but that's not what I want to talk to you about." 

"Oh?" His other eyebrow goes up. 

I stare up at him, suddenly realising how blue his eyes are, and blurt out the first thing that pops into my head: "I don't think you're really jealous of Bon." 

I think I've just achieved the impossible – I've made Tatsumi speechless. He stares at me, his eyes wide, completely taken aback. "Excuse me?" he asks blankly. 

"Um, well, uh…" I stammer, deciding the most prudent thing is to take a step back. "I don't think you're jealous of Bon," I repeat at last, my voice small and weak. 

He folds his arms, his expression piercing. I feel beads of sweat break out on my forehead, but hold my ground. "And what makes you think that?" he asks, his voice dangerously low. His shadow starts to writhe around him in warning. 

I smile. "Because you dislike change, not Bon," I tell him quietly. "This… relationship between them is new and everything is changing." 

He freezes, then studies me carefully and with great thought. "What do you think I should do?" he asks at last. 

I swallow, then say slowly, "I think you should talk to Bon." 

Tatsumi purses his lips, then nods almost to himself. "I'll think about it," he says, turning back to his door. 

I blink, stepping forward. "What about our wager?" I ask, injecting the slightest hint of teasing into my voice. 

He stops, glancing at me over his shoulder. "As I recall, I win, since Tsuzuki hasn't yet told Kurosaki-kun how he feels." 

I stare at him, my mouth hanging open. "But… but…" I wrack my brain, trying to see a way to turn this to my own advantage. Nope, coming up with a blank. "So… what's your price?" I ask at last, accepting defeat as gracefully as I can. I should have learned to stop gambling by now. 

Tatsumi smiles, his eyes gleaming with sudden humour. I begin to get a very bad feeling, but smile weakly back at him. He turns to face me, taking a slow step forward, then another, and another, until I can feel the wall against my back. 

Tatsumi's arms shoot out, pinning me between them as his palms slap against the wall. I stare at him, my eyes wide, as he leans in to stare at me. "Oh, I know my price, all right," he whispers, before turning abruptly and disappearing into his office, leaving me leaning against the wall, stunned. 

It takes me several moments to move, but as I walk back towards my lab, I can't stop a broad smile from spreading across my lips. In my own potential love life, at least, things are beginning to look up. 

I pause before a window, recognising the two figures down below in the Sakura grove. I press my nose against the glass, smiling as I watch Tsuzuki gently brush Bon's hair out of his eyes, hesitate, then lean down to brush his lips against Bon's. The kiss is chaste, but it doesn't stop Bon from clinging to Tsuzuki afterwards like he's the last remaining anchor in his world. 

I allow a silly grin to take over my smile as I turn and let them have their privacy, a spring in my steps as I continue on towards my lab. Yes, things are definitely looking up. 

**End _Winner's Choice_ **


	8. New Page Turning

**

Double Faced Mask

**  
**_A Yami no Matsuei fanfic_**

**Author:** Ria  
**Disclaimer:** YnM is copyright to several people, such as Yoko Matsushita and Hakusensha. It's not mine and never will be, considering I'm just a college student struggling with a part-time job because I'm so broke. Suing me would be rather pointless. I just do this because I love to and hopefully to give others some enjoyment, too.   
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Spoilers:** The anime and the first few volumes of the manga.  
**Pairings:** Tsuzuki/Hisoka, Tatsumi/Watari   
**Warnings:** angst, memories of NCS and mind-rape, eventual shounen-ai   
**Summary:** Tsuzuki angsts and Hisoka's logical (but still dense) about their situation. Then Watari gets in on the act to deliver some advice, dragging a helpless Tatsumi along for the ride…  
**Timeline:** A few months after the Kyoto arc in the anime with some stuff from the manga thrown in for good measure. If you've seen the anime, you'll be fine. If you've seen both, you'll be great!  
**Author's Notes:** Well, we've finally reached the end! I'm not quite sure about Tatsumi's characterisation in this chapter, but after countless rewrites, I couldn't take it anymore! For further notes on what fic's coming after this one, check at the end. Enjoy! Lyrics are from "Heaven Coming Down" by The Tea Party, and aren't mine.

**Double Faced Mask**

  


**New Page Turning  
**

_These signs, this fate  
Takes a path you didn't choose  
Stay strong, keep faith  
There's a change that's coming through_

It all starts with cake – a simple cake. 

Things are all different, now. The subtle patterns of our relationships with each other have changed, and I don't like it. It comes from being dead and stuck in the same routines for decades – change is often disliked and not welcomed by us, depending on the person, of course. 

I feel out of my depth and completely helpless, something I can hardly admit to myself and _never_ to anyone else. I'm out of my depth with Tsuzuki and Kurosaki-kun's new relationship and I'm out if my depth with Watari and whatever strange thing we have. 

I feel jealous of Kurosaki-kun, but my head shouts that it's not, indignant that I'd even think I could feel such base emotions. At this point, I don't even know what to think, much less feel. So many emotions, all demanding to be recognised, are slowly driving me mad. 

Kurosaki-kun enters the office with little fuss; I was the first one in, as usual. I spare him a quick glance and a polite nod, then pause when I see the familiar box from a favourite bakery of Tsuzuki's cradled carefully in his hands. I open my mouth to speak, but close it after a moment, unable to voice what's going through my head, instead giving him a raised eyebrow. _Are you sure that's allowed in here at this present time? _

He raises an eyebrow in return, a sardonic smile jerking the corner of his mouth. _Does it look like I give a damn?_

It's times like these that I want to be alive and young again. 

As the others trickle in with the familiar grumbling and moaning, I continue to stare at the little box. When Tsuzuki bursts in, out of breath and barely on time, all is finally revealed. 

"Hi-so-kaaa!" he cries, rushing over to his partner and pouting. "Why did you leave so early this morning? I was worried – is that _cake_?" He instantly goes into puppy mode, all shiny eyes and eager anticipation. 

Kurosaki-kun rolls his eyes, but his words are slow and hesitant. "I got up to get this for you, baka!" he says, thrusting the box at Tsuzuki as the familiar blush floods his cheeks. 

Tsuzuki accepts it happily, almost bouncing with delight. "Sankyuu, Hisoka!" he chirps. "You have to have some, too!" 

I glare frostily over at him. 

"At break," he amends, drooping. 

Kurosaki-kun glances up and, upon realising that he and Tsuzuki have a rather avid audience, glares. Very few flinch or look ashamed – everyone is so desperate for details about their life together that they have no shame. Either that, or Kurosaki-kun is beginning to lose his touch. 

They're both a couple and not a couple. We know that they regularly spend the night together, but they did this before everything happened, so it doesn't really count. Tsuzuki would amiably tell us all the details, but Kurosaki-kun fiercely values his privacy and has threatened dire consequences is Tsuzuki so much as breathes a word, resulting in a scarcity of knowledge concerning their almost-relationship. I've picked up a titbit here and there from Watari when he rambles, but even the official Shokan Division gossip queen only knows the very basic details. 

I start sorting through paperwork: Tsuzuki and Watari's abysmal attempts at reports; funding applications; pointless notes that Tsuzuki usually sneaks in to explain why his reports are so disorganised and late _this time_. But I can't concentrate, my mind wandering back to Tsuzuki and Kurosaki-kun who, in all likelihood, have that cake open in front of them, by now. 

Finally, I abandon it all, sighing as I walk out of my office and the little one shared by them (a gift by Konoe-Kacho after the Kyoto incident, when EnmaDaiOh-sama declared that the two needed more privacy from the open desks used by everyone else). 

The door is ajar, so I can hear them as I approach. Tsuzuki has gone into full puppy-mode because of the cake, making Kurosaki-kun increasingly irritated. That's the odd thing about them – even though they're together, now, so little between them has actually changed. 

"Hisokaaa," Tsuzuki pleads, his voice clearly audible, "you _have_ to have some – you _promised_ you'd have some!" 

"I said no such thing," Kurosaki-kun's voice is calm, though the usual bite is still in it, but he clearly has no intention of disappointing Tsuzuki. For all the way that they're behaving, this could be any of their conversations in the last two years, so little has changed in the way they interact with each other. 

But there are little hints that something _has_ changed – Tsuzuki's manner has softened towards his younger partner… he allows Kurosaki-kun to interfere when he becomes depressed and he genuinely tries not to annoy him as much as he used to; in turn, Kurosaki-kun has tightened his leash on his temper and secretly buys Tsuzuki more sweets that he'll admit to. Tsuzuki knows better than to remark on it, for fear that Kurosaki-kun's sudden generosity will stop, as unlikely as that is. 

"Please, Hi-so-kaaa? _Please_?" Tsuzuki's practically jumping up and down, now; if he had a tail, it would be a wagging blur in his eagerness. "Just a small taste? A little one? I know, I'll give you a small slice!" 

"Baka!" Kurosaki-kun begins in exasperation, "I said I don't want any- mmphh!" From the sounds of things, Tsuzuki's just shoved a mouthful of cake into Kurosaki-kun's mouth. 

Tsuzuki makes a pleased sound, but Kurosaki-kun is far from happy after he swallows. "Baka! Why do you never lis- oh, for-!" 

Now more curious than is healthy for me, I nudge the door open even farther so that I can see with relatively little difficulty. What my gaze falls on both manages to amuse and horrify me. 

Kurosaki-kun's eyebrow is twitching as he stares at Tsuzuki, who appears to have daubed cream on his partner's nose to cease his complaining. 

But silence certainly does fall as a too-happy Tsuzuki leans over and quickly (for his own safety) licks the cream off. 

My eyes widen; I tighten my hold on the doorframe without realising it. Kurosaki-kun is speechless, his face turning a violent shade of red. Tsuzuki beams. He's absolutely comfortable with what he's just done, but is rather concerned about his partner's reaction at the same time. Kurosaki-kun as far as I know, is comfortable with most affection given to him by Tsuzuki – but not in public, and their office is public enough that he feels desperately uncomfortable. He ducks his head, deliberately looking away from Tsuzuki, who merely smiles. 

"Why me?" Kurosaki-kun finally asks softly, and I know that I _definitely_ shouldn't be listening to this. "Why…?" He glances back at Tsuzuki, who's still smiling at him. 

"Because you're you," he says simply, cupping his cheek as he continues to gaze at him, content. "Just you." 

Kurosaki-kun looks at him, his face suddenly whitening in shock, before he hesitantly smiles back at Tsuzuki. I remember what Watari told me 

_"I don't think you're jealous of Bon."_

and frown, searching my emotions carefully. I feel mildly embarrassed at eavesdropping on such a private moment and wistful that they're so happy together. But there's another emotion, one that makes my chest hurt and my eyes narrow. But, I finally realise with much surprise, it's not jealousy and it's not directed towards Kurosaki-kun. 

What in Enma's name is wrong with me? 

I pause, deliberating whether or not to disturb the moment between them. I decide not to and turn, hurrying away before I give my presence away to them. 

* * *

The opportunity to sort out my feelings comes in the form of Kurosaki-kun himself taking control of the reins. He finds me alone in the office a few mornings later, sipping my morning tea and resigned to the beginning of yet another day. 

"Tatsumi-san," he greets me, shrugging off his coat; he bears no cake with him today. 

"Kurosaki-kun," I return just as politely, watching him pour water into his tea and realising that this is probably the best chance I'll get to talk to talk to him with no one else to interrupt. "Uh… a moment, Kurosaki-kun?" 

He pauses, turning to look at me with his cup to his lips. "Yes?" 

Now that I have the chance to speak with him, I can't find the correct words. The famed Secretary of the Shokan Division, speechless; the very thought of it, never mind the reality, is unthinkable. "How – how is everything with you and Tsuzuki-san?" I ask at last, mentally rebuking myself for the foolish, inane question the moment that the words leave my lips. 

Kurosaki-kun raises a sceptical eyebrow, but nevertheless answers the question. "Things are… fine between us," he answers at last, looking at me askance. "Uh... has Tsuzuki said anything to you, by any chance?" 

"Oh! No!" I reply quickly, flashing him a brief smile. "No, Tsuzuki seems perfectly happy. I just… wanted to…" I trail off, unable to voice what's going round and round in my head. 

Kurosaki-kun frowns at me and sinks into the nearest seat, his tea clutched in his hands and a quizzical expression on his face. "Tatsumi-san?" he asks, his tone gentle and not in the least bit edgy. 

I take a deep breath and say, "Tsuzuki needs someone to take care of him. He can't be alone, no matter how much he smiles or the amount of assurances he gives. You know that, as do I." I pause, before finally saying, "You're right for him, Kurosaki-kun. I wasn't, no matter how much I wanted to be, and – and I apologise if I gave you the impression that I was jealous, or –" 

"You were never jealous, Tatsumi-san," Kurosaki-kun interrupts quietly, looking up at me with a carefully guarded expression. "Your emotions were never those of jealousy." I stare at him, realising that Kurosaki-kun, as an empath, wouldn't obviously know these things. I also realise that he probably sensed me standing at the door a few days before, and my stomach drops. 

"You feel protective of Tsuzuki," Kurosaki-kun continues. "You always have. But for some people, the protectiveness they feel for someone can often be mistaken for jealousy directed at another person. I know that you were never jealous of me, Tatsumi-san, but I couldn't say anything as you needed to realise it yourself." 

I continue to stare at him, hardly able to believe what I'm hearing. Suddenly, all of my previous actions and thoughts are re-evaluated and I realise that Watari could also see my emotions for what they really were, but also wanted me to realise it for myself, and all that stopped me from doing that was my own blindness and my determination to only concentrate on what appeared to be my jealousy. 

Kurosaki-kun smiles at me hesitantly, and I return the smile after a moment. "I wish you and Tsuzuki-san well," I tell him. "Don't make the same mistake that I did." 

"Don't worry," he replies in an amused voice, "I won't. To be honest, I don't think Tsuzuki will let me." 

"True," I admit, just as Tsuzuki bursts in, early for the first time in over a decade. Kurosaki-kun and I both stare at him, before I venture, "Tsuzuki-san?" 

"Ohayo!" he greets me enthusiastically, before turning to Kurosaki-kun. "Cake?" he asks hopefully. 

I hide my smile as Kurosaki-kun rolls his eyes. "If I brought you cake everyday, I'd have no money left!" he snaps, as Tsuzuki visibly wilts. 

I watch them bicker good-naturally for a few moments before clearing my throat; they both turn to look at me. Kurosaki-kun glances between us, a calculating gleam in his eye. I begin to feel an uneasy churning in my stomach, but force my expression to remain calm and impassive. 

"Tatsumi-san," he says, ever-so-politely, "would you be able to find it in yourself to take Tsuzuki to the Sakura grove for tea? I think it's one habit you and he should begin again." He pauses, then adds, "And I need a break." 

Tsuzuki, who up until now looked mildly interested, immediately pouts. "_'Soka_," he whines. "You're so _mean_!" 

I stare at Kurosaki-kun, but he looks calm and unruffled by Tsuzuki's complaining. He knows what he's doing and what he's letting himself in for, and he won't stop until we agree to his plans, which seems to be the safest option. 

"Of course I would," I murmur, nodding. "How does tomorrow afternoon sound?" 

"Wonderful," Kurosaki-kun replies, smiling in amusement. 

Tsuzuki, meanwhile, is looking at his partner like he's lost his mind. "Hisoka…?" 

He's a clever boy, I reflect to myself as I walk back to my office, though he's no longer strictly a boy. He knows that others have a claim to Tsuzuki also and he's willing to share. Very, very smart. 

I spend the next few hours in my office, finishing paperwork until it's time for lunch, but when I check, I seem to have accomplished very little. This is not turning out to be one of my better days. 

A demanding little hoot makes me blink and focus on the frantically hovering owl in front of me. 003 hoots again and lands on the hand I outstretch for her to perch on. She hops up my arm until she's nestled against my shoulder, pressing her beck against my skin affectionately. 

A quiet noise by the doorway makes me look up to find Watari leaning against the doorway, a tray of tea and food carefully balanced in his hands. I raise an eyebrow at the display; I know for a fact that Watari hardly remembers to feed himself usually, never mind other people. 

"Can I come in?" he asks and I nod, suddenly realising that I have no idea on how to proceed with this. He drops the tray on the desk and neither if say anything for the next few minutes as we eat. 

It's not what the others would call a normal romantic relationship, I muse to myself as I sip tea, but… it could work. I really think it could. As much as I care about Tsuzuki, most of the responsibility for taking care of him rests on Kurosaki-kun, now, not me. I'll still be as important to him as I always was, but things have changed. Tsuzuki is no longer alone as he once was. Both Kurosaki-kun and I are important to him, and that will never change – we're just important to him in other ways. 

And as for me, well… I look up to find Watari watching me with a faint smile. Perhaps I am no longer alone as I once was, either. 

I tilt my head slightly. "What are you so happy about?" I ask. 

"Oh, nothing," he replies innocently, his smile widening to a grin. "I was just thinking about how I really _didn't_ lose our wager." 

Both my eyebrows shoot up. "Oh?" 

Watari nods, standing up and leaning across the desk so our noses are almost touching. "I actually won, since we didn't agree on when exactly Tsuzuki had to tell Bon his feelings. And if what I saw a while ago is any indication, Tsuzuki finally told Bon what he felt for him – and things _have_ changed. So," he says, delight blooming in his amber eyes, "I get to claim my prize." 

Things really haven't changed, I think to myself as Watari leans closer. Things are nearly the same between them as they always were, only they're less dense about the other's feelings, now. But, I admit to myself as Watari clams his prize, some things certainly have changed. 

The kiss is careful and chaste. It's been so long since I've kissed anyone that I'm amazed I still know how. Watari smells of the lab and chemicals, his hair a soft mass of apricot-smelling shampoo. When we break apart, I can feel a faint blush heat my face. Watari grins the lunatic smile of someone who's just won the jackpot. Then we sit back down and finish the meal, only now the tension is gone, replaced by a comfortable silence that says everything we still won't voice. 

Yes, some things are still the same… but mostly not. Not anymore. But I can deal with it, now, I think. Sometimes, change really is for the best – particularly for someone who's been dead for over fifty years and still has the same routines - which a certain scientist is probably going to enjoy disrupting immensely. 

**

End _New Page Turning_

**

**

FINIS 

**

**Author's Notes:** Thank you for reading Double Faced Mask. If you've been here since Chapter 1, well done! If not, thanks for reading anyway! This is, of course, not the end of the Dance Arc, merely the beginning. The next story in this series will be a one-shot/series centring on Watari and Tatsumi, tentatively entitled _Time Ticking Away_. Keep an eye out for it, and thank you again for reading!


End file.
